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Johnny Lawrence
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The 2020 Fictitious Athlete Inductees
Perhaps the quintessential 80’s teen villain, Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) had the coiffed blonde surfer hair, the yuppie parents, the arrogance, and the karate skills to make poor Ralph Macchio miserable for nearly two hours on screen. Now you know what happens to villains like this right? They sweep the leg at the end of the 1984 All Valley Tournament, yet still lose the trophy, their self-respect and a delicious looking Elizabeth Shue.
Joe Cooper
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
Technically the lead character in BASEketball, Joe Cooper (Trey Parker of South Park fame) brought us a fictitious sport for discussion for our Fictitious Hall. Of the two slackers (the other of course being South Park co-creator Matt Stone), “Coop” was the dependable one and the heart of his team (the Milwaukee Beers) and the new found league (the National BASEketball League). He may have sacrificed a few of the laughs in the movie to his partner, but he broke out the Cartman voice, so there are bonus points there. Besides, he brought home the Denslow Cup at the end, AKA: his league championship. Should not the hero win the trophy at the end?
Jimmy MacElroy
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
After the surprise success of Napoleon Dynamite, it seemed that the world could not get enough of Jon Heder; that is until we saw more of Jon Heder. Realistically, there isn’t much you can do with him other than effeminate wimpy roles….so enter, Figure Skating. With all due respect to Napoleon Dynamite fans out there, Heder’s Jimmy MacElroy was not exactly the strongest part of this film, and was overshadowed by his co-stars. Still, he performed the dangerous “Iron Lotus” at the end, and was paired with the bookishly cute, Jenna Fischer, so that gets at least a somewhat acceptable score from the German judge.
Jack Chester
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
Perhaps this is a bit of a stretch but the final act of John Candy’s (Jack Chester) film, “Summer Rental” saw him sail his way to victory in an old boat while defeating the blowhard who looked suspiciously like Rambo’s only friend. There has to be something memorable about Candy winning the regatta by using his boxers as a sail, and the Chicago Blackhawks jersey he wore on the beach. Still, we prefer the scene where he explains his favorite Smurfs episode, but we here have never been accused of our high level of maturity.