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Butch Coolidge

Butch Coolidge
We did not see much of Butch Coolidge’s in ring performance where he pummeled a boxer to death and shafted over crime boss, Marcellus Wiley, who he had earlier agreed to take a dive, but it was his other actions in the movie that made Butch a memorable character in the cult classic, Pulp Fiction.


We saw Butch take out Vincent Vega (John Travolta) and save the man who wanted him dead for his earlier betrayal (Marcellus) from continued sodomizing; you know, your typical weekend. More than all of that it put Bruce Willis back in the “cool kids” table at Hollywood, where we will argue he still remains.  

Kenny Powers

Kenny Powers
Generally it takes a bit of a time for fictitious sports athletes to become legendary, but Kenny Powers did so immediately right from the first episode on HBO’s Eastbound and Down.


Loosely based on former pitcher John Rocker (especially after that infamous SI interview), took the Redneck southern stereotype and cranked it to eleven on the “Crudometer”. Nearly every episode, gives a new instant classic moment and we don’t know whether we really want to cheer for the mulleted one as his wallowing in baseball obscurity is a constant recipe for laughter. This could well be the first “active” Fictitious Athlete to enter the Hall of Fame.



The Bullet Points:
TV Show Appeared:
Eastbound and Down (2009-)

Actor:
Danny McBride

Position Portrayed:
Pitcher

Played for:
Charros (Mexican League), Myrtle Beach Mermen

Why you should vote for him:
Because it is Kenny “Fucking” Powers!

Why you should not vote for him:
In terms of pitching performance on the show, he is well below the hurler’s version of the “Mendoza Line”.




Junior Bevil

Junior Bevil
We know that the character of Junior Bevil was to create the contrast to mean looking “Yul Brynner”, but can we agree that Bevil was the least interesting member of the “Jamaican Bobsled Team?” Since the film put their own spin on the actual actions of the 1988 Olympics and renamed the people that inspired it, could they not have come up with a different character? Sorry, we just realized we were looking for depth in what was just a cute and happy sports film.




The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Cool Runnings (1993)

Actor:
Rawle D. Lewis

Played for:
Jamaican Bobsled Team

Why you should vote for him:
It was a cute film.

Why you should not vote for him:
He was the weakest character of the four.



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Jonathan E.

Jonathan  E
A Science Fiction Film wrapped up in a sports motif, Rollerball is a movie that was way ahead of its time. In this dystopian future, powerful corporations run the world, and its form of entertainment is “Rollerball”; a full contact sport where two teams (from all around the world) race around an oval track on roller skates (with some in motorcycles) where the goal is place a metal ball in a small hole. Unlike other sports, defence appears to be the star of two sides of the coin, as combatants are there to stop a goal by any means necessary. It is violent, it is brutal, and it is televised entertainment that dominates the airwaves.


Incidentally, the sport is designed to be something else. Rollerball’s brutality and high degree of difficulty was designed to make it a pure team sport and suppress individuality. That was the attitude of the corporations in general; the prevention of the individual to think for themselves, in favor of the goal of the collective. Sure, that is a sci-fi staple, but has it ever been done on a roller track?

In the film, Jonathan E. (James Caan) becomes the top star of the sport, and his organization, Houston, wants him to retire. Here, winning and losing is not as important as keeping the masses in line; and with Caan being as successful as he was; the status quo was in danger of being rattled. As Hollywood will tell you, Jonathan E., did not acquiesce, and his victory over bloody opponents was not one of individual accomplishment but for society itself. Now has any Home Run (fictitious or real) ever done that?



The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Rollerball (1975)

Actor:
James Caan

Played for:
Houston

Why you should vote for him:
If you are looking for a better sports hero, it will be hard to find a better one than Jonathan E.

Why you should not vote for him:
Rollerball is not an actual sport. Should we nominate athletes from sports that do not exist?

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