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Sam Malone
Sep 28, 2013
Published in
The 2021 Fictitious Athlete Inductees
The former relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, Sam “Mayday” Malone was your typical womanizing (though not always the swiftest) ex-jock. Malone was one of the top leading sitcom men in the 80’s and early 90’s and his show, Cheers, was one of the highest rated shows of its day.
We saw a lot of Sam’s athletic past, as the company ringer for the softball team, striking out playmates in a charity game, a commercial with Luis Tiant and an unfulfilled comeback. As much was made of Malone’s baseball career, we love that fact and could champion him for the Hall. Hell, Sports Illustrated even ran an article that detailed his career stats (an impressive feat for any fictitious athlete). The only thing we can’t understand was his attraction to Shelley Long; we’ll call that one a blown save.
The Bullet Points:
TV Show Appeared:
Cheers (1983-1992)
Actor:
Ted Danson
Position Portrayed:
Relief Pitcher
Played for:
Boston Red Sox
Why you should vote for him:
He remains one of the great characters of Sitcom history
Why you should not vote for him:
Diane Chambers…..the Sondra Locke of 80’s Sitcoms.
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Steve Lattimer
Sep 28, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
You may not be aware of this but Andrew Byrniarski was in a few Football films, usually playing the role of a defensive lunkhead. He did that in Necessary Roughness and Any Given Sunday, though his highest profile job came years after when he was cast as “Leatherface” in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot.
For us, Byrniarski will always be “Steve Lattimer” the ESU Linebacker who discovered the benefits of steroids in the off season and showed us the joys of painting his face and how many Olympians beat a piss test. His role may be the most remembered of the movie, which considering starred James Caan and a young Halle Berry says something. This may be why Steve Lattimer gets into the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame before any other actor from the Program.
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
The Program (1993)
Actor:
Andrew Byrniarski
Position Portrayed:
Linebacker
Played for:
ESU Timberwolves
Why you should vote for him:
He may be the most memorable character of “The Program”
Why you should not vote for him:
Overall, that movie was average.
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Stef Djordovic
Sep 28, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
It is not that Tom Cruise as a Football player is unbelievable. He is certainly athletic enough, but could they not have given a role as a receiver or in the secondary instead of Defensive Back? Really, the story is not what he did on the field (as his signature play is a pass interference penalty) but the relationship he had with his coach, his girlfriend and his desire to leave his small Pennsylvania town. Actually, when this came out, we were expecting a high school party movie (come on doesn’t the movie title sound like 80’s hilarity?), but overall it comes across as average fare. Had there been more focus on Football, this might have been a better film for the purposes of our Hall.
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
All the Right Moves (1983)
Actor:
Tom Cruise
Position Portrayed:
Defensive Back
Played for:
Ampipe H.S.
Why you should vote for him:
Cruise was good in the dramatic parts, and it did help cement his career.
Why you should not vote for him:
We are still trying to buy Cruise as a Defensive Back.
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Steamin' Willie Beamen
Sep 28, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
How could you not love “Steamin” Willie Beamen? From the moment he took the field in place of second string option, Tyler Cheribini, his athleticism and swagger made him the instant star of the film and like those who he emulated in the NFL, the star of the fictitious league that “Any Given Sunday” was set in.
In the world of Professional Football, a flashy star Quarterback can be born overnight, so the sudden rise to stardom of Beamen was not unrealistic. His swagger, candor and fearlessness made him almost iconic. Still, he grew through the picture, and his final speech with Coach D’Amato told us that Beamen would mature as a Quarterback, and damn it, didn’t you want to see what he did for the expansion New Mexico franchise? We know we did!
We will say this though….how the hell did he manage a slickly produced rap song and corresponding music video two weeks into his starting career?
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Actor:
Jamie Foxx
Position Portrayed:
Quarterback
Played for:
Miami Sharks
Why you should vote for him:
If you base your vote on swagger, this IS your vote.
Why you should not vote for him:
We never did see Beamen win the Pantheon did we?
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