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Samson
Sep 24, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
We admit that we far preferred the hulking Richard Kiel as “Jaws” in the two 70’s James Bond films, and we actually had a soft spot for him as “Mr. Larson”, the man with a nail in his head in Happy Gilmore. But the seven foot five actor was a beast for the “Mean Machine” in the Longest Yard, and quite the intimidating one at that. His most memorable moment in the flick was having his nose broke, and whining like a five year old; which though may not be one that strikes fear, does illicit a few chuckles. We’ll say this; he delivered it a lot better than Bob Sapp did in the remake.
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
The Longest Yard (1974)
Actor:
Richard Kiel
Position Portrayed:
Linebacker
Played for:
The Mean Machine
Why you should vote for him:
How about just for the “Jaws” factor.
Why you should not vote for him:
His biggest line involves him whining about a broken nose.
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Stroker Ace
Sep 23, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
Look, we know that “Stroker Ace” is not exactly a cinematic masterpiece. In fact, it is the winner of the 1983 Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Picture of the Year. We are also embarrassed to say that it is a guilty pleasure of ours.
Burt Reynolds is an icon in the world of fictitious athletes, and coming off the Cannonball Run, a role as a NASCAR driver wasn’t a stretch for the toupeed one. Yet, the plot of the movie involved Reynolds as the titular character, trying to get out of a contract with Ned Beatty (who did not squeal like a pig) and Chicken Pit Racing, which he signed….well….because he just didn’t give a fuck enough to read the contract properly. This isn’t exactly a plot device that gives you empathy for the hero. Still, with the support of NASCAR and numerous cameos by the drivers, it did look good in terms of the racing, so it does have that going for it.
We can say this with all sincerity, this movie is a lot better than much of the dreck that Reynolds did through the rest of the 80’s and early 90’s.
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Stroker Ace (1983)
Actor:
Burt Reynolds
Position Portrayed:
NASCAR Driver
Played for:
Chicken Pit Racing
Why you should vote for him:
Burt Reynolds is an icon in fictitious athletes.
Why you should not vote for him:
Despite being a guilty pleasure….yes this movie is very bad.
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Steve Nebraska
Sep 23, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
There is a lot about “The Scout” that can bother fans. One of those however, is not the performance of Brendan Fraser whose large frame made him look like a certifiable athlete. However, as Steve Nebraska, the pitching prospect with seemingly unlimited potential, he was given the role of also playing a head case, which basically made him a freak of nature with his arm, and also a freak with his brain. Incidentally, the ending act of the movie (we don’t think we are really upsetting anyone with this spoiler alert) that Nebraska struck out all 27 batters in a total of 81 pitches in Game 1 of the World Series; the absolute minimum required to do so.
For the record, there is no recorded game on any level of Baseball where that has ever happened, nor do we know anyone who ever did that on the easy mode on PlayStation. Actually, we don’t even know if the Yankees (the team Steve Nebraska played for) even won the World Series or not. We guess that if you are looking for the best performance ever by a Fictitious Athlete it would be hard to find one better…..but putting it simply: C’Mon Man!
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
The Scout (1994)
Actor:
Brendan Fraser
Position Portrayed:
Pitcher
Played for:
New York Yankees
Why you should vote for him:
A Perfect Game on 81 pitches.
Why you should not vote for him:
In what reality is that possible?
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Stan Ross
Sep 22, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
Basically this is your standard movie about a selfish athlete who learns to play as part of a team. The difference here is that the main character learns this in the midst of a very selfish comeback, and we are treated to a few jokes by Bernie Mac.