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Kenny Powers
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
Generally it takes a bit of a time for fictitious sports athletes to become legendary, but Kenny Powers did so immediately right from the first episode on HBO’s Eastbound and Down.
Loosely based on former pitcher John Rocker (especially after that infamous SI interview), took the Redneck southern stereotype and cranked it to eleven on the “Crudometer”. Nearly every episode, gives a new instant classic moment and we don’t know whether we really want to cheer for the mulleted one as his wallowing in baseball obscurity is a constant recipe for laughter. This could well be the first “active” Fictitious Athlete to enter the Hall of Fame.
The Bullet Points:
TV Show Appeared:
Eastbound and Down (2009-)
Actor:
Danny McBride
Position Portrayed:
Pitcher
Played for:
Charros (Mexican League), Myrtle Beach Mermen
Why you should vote for him:
Because it is Kenny “Fucking” Powers!
Why you should not vote for him:
In terms of pitching performance on the show, he is well below the hurler’s version of the “Mendoza Line”.
Junior Bevil
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
We know that the character of Junior Bevil was to create the contrast to mean looking “Yul Brynner”, but can we agree that Bevil was the least interesting member of the “Jamaican Bobsled Team?” Since the film put their own spin on the actual actions of the 1988 Olympics and renamed the people that inspired it, could they not have come up with a different character? Sorry, we just realized we were looking for depth in what was just a cute and happy sports film.
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Cool Runnings (1993)
Actor:
Rawle D. Lewis
Played for:
Jamaican Bobsled Team
Why you should vote for him:
It was a cute film.
Why you should not vote for him:
He was the weakest character of the four.
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Jonathan E.
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
A Science Fiction Film wrapped up in a sports motif, Rollerball is a movie that was way ahead of its time. In this dystopian future, powerful corporations run the world, and its form of entertainment is “Rollerball”; a full contact sport where two teams (from all around the world) race around an oval track on roller skates (with some in motorcycles) where the goal is place a metal ball in a small hole. Unlike other sports, defence appears to be the star of two sides of the coin, as combatants are there to stop a goal by any means necessary. It is violent, it is brutal, and it is televised entertainment that dominates the airwaves.
Incidentally, the sport is designed to be something else. Rollerball’s brutality and high degree of difficulty was designed to make it a pure team sport and suppress individuality. That was the attitude of the corporations in general; the prevention of the individual to think for themselves, in favor of the goal of the collective. Sure, that is a sci-fi staple, but has it ever been done on a roller track?
In the film, Jonathan E. (James Caan) becomes the top star of the sport, and his organization, Houston, wants him to retire. Here, winning and losing is not as important as keeping the masses in line; and with Caan being as successful as he was; the status quo was in danger of being rattled. As Hollywood will tell you, Jonathan E., did not acquiesce, and his victory over bloody opponents was not one of individual accomplishment but for society itself. Now has any Home Run (fictitious or real) ever done that?
The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Rollerball (1975)
Actor:
James Caan
Played for:
Houston
Why you should vote for him:
If you are looking for a better sports hero, it will be hard to find a better one than Jonathan E.
Why you should not vote for him:
Rollerball is not an actual sport. Should we nominate athletes from sports that do not exist?
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Jimmy "Dodge" Connelly
Sep 05, 2013
Published in
The Athletes
George Clooney does not have a lot of missteps and even when he does, he always seems to get a pass. Actually, we are not even sure that “Leatherheads” was even that much of a misstep, even though the film was not popular, and only received mixed reviews; Clooney was as charming as always and physically looked the part of a 1920’s Football player. The only problem that as much as we love the sport in North America; we were not clamoring for a Football movie set after World War I.