Committee Chairman
Our Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame Announces the Finalists for the 2019 Class
We love this day!
One of our pet projects, The Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame is announcing the Finalists for the Class of 2019.
This will be the 6thfull class, and it is all based on your online votes.
As in past years, we have a Preliminary Group, which is pared down to Semi-Finalists. After four months of your voting, here are the results:
The Fictitious Athlete Finalistsare:
Al Bundy:Married With Children (Football star at Polk High in Chicago, IL). Every year that we have been doing this, Al Bundy had reached the Finals. In two occasions, he finished fourth in voting, just missing out on induction. Will this be the year for the down on his luck shoe salesman?
Al Czervik: Caddyshack (Amateur golfer who challenged the status quo at Bushwood Country Club). After many years as a semi-finalist, the less than posh (but very rich) amateur golfer makes his debut as a finalist. He could join Carl Spackler, the Bushwood groundskeeper as a Caddyshack inductee.
“All The Way” Mae Mordabito: A League of Their Own (Centerfielder for the Rockford Peaches). Arguably the best comedic performance that Madonna ever had, “All The Way” Mae could join teammate, Dottie Hinson, who got in last year,
Amanda Whirtlitzer: Bad News Bears: (Female Little League Pitcher for the Bears). From the original film, Whurlitzer’s arrival to the team changed the fortunes of the Bears. This is the first time that she has been a Finalist.
Billy Chapel: For Love of the Game (Aging Starting Pitcher for the Detroit Tigers). Should Chapel get in, this will be the second induction for a baseball player portrayed by Kevin Costner. The first was as Crash Davis in Bull Durham.
Chazz Michael Michaels: Blades of Glory (Champion Singles and Pairs Figure Skater). If it always seems that there is a Will Ferrell character as a Finalist, it is because there always is. This is the only fictional figure skater to make the Finals.
Clubber Lang: Rocky III: (Former Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World). Lang has been a Finalist three times and is one of the best sports villains ever.
Dean Youngblood: Youngblood (Left Wing for the Minor League Hamilton Mustangs). Youngblood led voting of all the semi-finalists but all votes are wiped clean for a fresh start. This is his second time as a Finalist.
“Fast” Eddie Felson: The Hustler and The Color of Money (Pool Shark).
“Fast” Eddie returns as a Finalist for the third time. To date, there is no billiards player in the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame.
Hamilton Porter: The Sandlot (Pre-teen who played baseball at the local sandlot). This is the first time that Hamilton Porter has made the Finals, and if he gets in, he would join his former Sandlot teammate, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez.
Homer Simpson: The Simpsons (Softball player on his company team, Mixed Curler Olympian and Heavyweight Boxer). The “Homer at the Bat” episode is featured in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Could he get in here too?
Ivan Drago: Rocky IV (Former Soviet Heavyweight Boxer). Drago is a Finalist for the third time. With Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed already in the Hall, an induction for either Clubber Lang or Drago would give the Rocky franchise its third Fictional Athlete.
Jake Taylor: Major League & Major League 2 (Catcher and Interim Manager of the Cleveland Indians). This is the first time that Taylor has made the Finals, and there are already three representatives from Major League in.
Jimmy Chitwood: Hoosiers (Forward at Hickory High). Chitwood is a Finalist for the third time.
Pedro Cerrano: Major League, Major League 2 & Major League 3: Back to the Minors (Outfielder for the Cleveland Indians). Cerrano is a Finalists for the second straight year.
Shane Falco: The Replacements (Quarterback who once starred for Ohio State and becomes a replacement player for the Washington Sentinels). Falco is once again a Finalist, and to date there are no inductees from The Replacements.
You can vote for the Fictitious Athletes HERE.
The Fictitious Athlete Contributor Semi-Finalistsare:
Adrian Balboa: Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV and Rocky V (Girlfriend, and later Wife of Heavyweight Boxing Champion, Rocky Balboa). Yo! Adrian! The late wife of Rocky Balboa has been a Finalists every year since we began, but has always come up short.
Coach Ernie Pantusso: Cheers (Former Baseball Coach turned bartender). Pantusso had made it all the way up to the majors as a coach with the Boston Red Sox
Darcy Sears: Varsity Blues (High School student who dates West Cannan Quarterbacks). This may not be the most empowered female on the ballot, but here she is, as a Finalist for the first time.
Irv Blitzer: Cool Runnings (Coach of the 1988 Jamaican Bobsled Team). While there really was a 1988 Jamaican Bobsled Team, they were not coached by an American named Irv Blitzer. This is the first time that he has been a Finalist.
Jimmy Dugan: A League of Their Own (Former Baseball Player and Manager of the Rockford Peaches). Dugan has been a Finalist every year since the Hall’s inception, and missed out twice as the runner-up.
Ken Reeves: The White Shadow (Head Basketball Coach at Carver High). This is the second time that the former Chicago Bull turned high school basketball coach has been a Finalist.
Lou Brown: Major League and Major League 2 (Manager of the Cleveland Indians). Major League has many inductees, but the former employee of Tire World is not one of them…yet.
Norman Dale: Hoosiers (Head Basketball Coach at Hickory High) Dale has been a Finalist every year, and to date there is nobody from Hoosiers in the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame.
Patches O’Houlihan: Dodgeball (Former Dodgeball star and Dodgeball Coach for Average Joe’s Gym). In the fictional sports world, there is no greater star than Patches O’Houlihan. As we see him as a trainer, he qualifies as a contributor. This is his first time as a Finalist.
Ray Kinsella: Field of Dreams (Builder of a baseball diamond in a cornfield that attracted dead baseball players). If you build it, he will come. If you vote for him, he gets in. This is Kinsella’s second time as a Finalist.
You can vote for the Fictitious Contributors HERE.
The Fictitious Veteran Finalistsare:
Joe Boyd/Joe Hart: Damn! Yankees (Superfan of the Washington Senators who becomes a player for them)
Luis “Mountain” Rivera: Requiem of a Heavyweight (Heavyweight Boxing Contender)
Sport Goofy: Multiple films and television (Multi-Sport Athlete)
You can vote for the Fictitious Veterans HERE.
The Existing Inductees for our Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame are:
Fictitious Athlete:
Apollo Creed: Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III and Rocky IV
Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez: The Sandlot
Bobby Boucher: The Waterboy
Charlie Conway: The Mighty Ducks, The Mighty Ducks 2 and The Mighty Ducks 3
Crash Davis: Bull Durham
Daniel LaRusso: The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid 2 and The Karate Kid 3
Dottie Hinson: A League of Their Own
Forrest Gump: Forrest Gump
The Hanson Brothers: Slap Shot
Happy Gilmore: Happy Gilmore
Paul “Wrecking” Crewe: The Longest Yard ‘74
Reggie Dunlop: Slap Shot
Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn: Major League and Major League 2
Rocky Balboa: Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, Rocky V & Rocky Balboa
Roy Hobbs: The Natural
Willie “Mays” Hayes: Major League
Fictitious Contributors:
Carl Spackler: Caddyshack
Chubbs Peterson: Happy Gilmore
Gordon Bombay: The Mighty Ducks, The Mighty Ducks 2 and The Mighty Ducks 3
Harry Doyle: Major League, Major League 2 and Major League 3: Back to the Minors
Mickey Goldmill: Rocky, Rocky II and Rocky III
Morris Buttermaker: The Bad News Bears
Mr. Miyagi: The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid 2, The Karate Kid 3 and The Next Karate Kid
Fictitious Veterans:
Andy “Champ” Purcell: The Champ ‘31
Dennis Ryan: Take Me Out to the Ballgame
Guffy McGovern: Angels in the Outfield
Huxley College: Horse Feathers
When you can, please support our site and cast your vote for the Class of 2019!
As always, we here at Notinhalloffame.com thank you for your support.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announces their 2020 Finalists
We have what we like to consider a distinct “Holiday Season” at Notinhalloffame.com. Today is the start, our “Thanksgiving” of sorts, as the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has made their announcement as to their Finalists for the Class of 2020.
This is the first year that the Rock Hall is under new guidance (sort of) as Jann Wenner, the co-founder of the institution is set to step down officially on January 1. The new Chairman, John Sykes, has been doing the press junket, and this will be the first induction under his watch; although the induction process won’t be.
Let’s get right to the Nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for 2020:
Pat Benatar: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame claims it wants more women, and Pat Benatar was the queen of early 80s Rock and Roll. This is her first nomination and she has been eligible since 2004. Ranked #44 on Notinhalloffame.com.
The Dave Matthews Band: The Dave Matthews Band is one of the most successful touring bands ever and this is their first nomination. They were first eligible last year. Ranked #77 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Depeche Mode: Depeche Mode is nominated for the third time and the first since 2018. Last year’s selection of The Cure bodes well for Depeche Mode and should they get in, look for groups like New Order and The Smiths to follow. Ranked #18 on Notinhalloffame.com.
The Doobie Brothers: A Classic Rock staple, The Doobie Brothers have finally garnered their first nomination since being eligible in 1997. Ranked #25 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Judas Priest: The metal band from England are nominated for the second time, the first coming in 2018. Ranked #9 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Kraftwerk: In terms of influence, nobody deserves it more than Kraftwerk, who is nominated for the sixth time. Ranked #1 on Notinhalloffame.com.
MC5: This is a very influential proto-punk band who is nominated for the fifth time. Despite this group receiving multiple nominations, they have not received a lot of online support. Ranked #5 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Motorhead: This is the first nomination for Motorhead, who have been eligible since 2002. Sadly, this nomination has happened after the death of their lead singer, Lemmy Kilmister, who passed away in 2015. Along with Judas Priest, they are one of two heavy metal bands who are nominated. Ranked #30 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Nine Inch Nails: This is the first nomination since 2016 and third overall for Nine Inch Nails, who is basically just Trent Reznor. Ranked #26 on Notinhalloffame.com.
The Notorious B.I.G. This is the first year of Biggie’s eligibility and with all due respect to the other Hip-Hop artists who are eligible, there is no one else who has a bigger name in the genre. Should he be inducted, it will be a posthumous one, as he was shot and killed in 1997. Ranked #6 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Rufus featuring Chaka Khan: Rufus and Chaka Khan are nominated for the third year in a row, and Chaka Khan herself had been nominated as an individual once before. Ranked #183 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Soundgarden: Soundgarden gets the early 90s Alternative Rock Spot and this is their first nomination. They have been eligible since 2011. Ranked #31 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Thin Lizzy: Thin Lizzy finally receives their first nomination since being eligible in 1996. Ranked #90 on Notinhalloffame.com.
T.Rex: This was a long time coming. The influential Glam Rock band from London, England has never been nominated despite being eligible since 1993. Ranked #14 on Notinhalloffame.com.
Whitney Houston: Houston was the owner of one of the best voices in musical history and was a pop sensation in the 1980s before transitioning into more soul influenced music. She has been eligible since 2009 and this is her first nomination. Ranked #271 on Notinhalloffame.com.
We expect that there will be a lot more controversy and news between now and the official announcement of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2020. By the way, that is our Christmas Day!
So, rock fans, what do you think of this group?
Our initial reactions are that this is a hard rock driven group, far more than we have seen in years. As usual, there are new nominees who are have been eligible for a long time. The curious omissions to us is that Motley Crue, who were leading the fan vote at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame kiosk and Oasis, who were the biggest group in BritPop. Now we wait for the drama to unfold. Much like the sun, we know it is coming!
David Freese Retires
Days after Brian McCann announced his retirement from Major League Baseball, we have another former World Series Champion who has announced that he is hanging up the cleats.
David Freese announced on Twitter today that he will be retiring from Baseball after an 11-year career.
Freese was drafted by the San Diego Padres in 2006 and was traded to the St. Louis Cardinals, the team he would debut for in 2008. The Third Basemen will always be remembered for his 2011 post-season, where he won the NLCS and the World Series MVP and collected a record 21 RBIs. He would make the All-Star team the following season.
He would be traded to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim after the 2013 season and would later sign with the Pittsburgh Pirates as a Free Agent in 2016. Freese was traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers before 2018 and he appeared in their playoff run this year.
He retires with 1,041 Hits, 113 Home Runs and a Slash Line of .277/.351/.427. He is 36 years old.
Freese likely will not be chosen for the Baseball Hall of Fame, but he will be eligible in 2025. Anyone, who won the World Series MVP is someone who we want to see on the ballot.
We here at Notinhalloffame.com would like to thank David Freese for all his excellent career and we wish him the best in his post-playing career.
Ten Drunken Observations: The Smurfs were Communists
Welcome to a new feature on Notinhalloffame.com, where I, the Committee Chairman come up with random pop culture lists of drunken ramblings.
This is the kind of useless tripe that I excel at, though it did nothing to help me with high school English Class, nor did it impress any of the ladies, but as a middle-aged married guy, who still consumes alcoholic beverages that rivals anyone on Celebrity Rehab, I can say with full Joe Walsh meaning that “Life’s Been Good To Me So Far”.
After my M*A*S*H nonsense, I am going to switch over to the animated world and focus on the Smurfs. Roughly twenty-five years ago (damn, I’m old) I came up with the realization that those blue creatures had red tendencies as they were clearly Communists. I told that someone who I worked with, and he said, “Oh, you saw that online too?”
This was the internet’s early days, and I hadn’t saw that. Since that time, I have seen others who came up with the same conclusion. Basically, this was my long-winded caveat of saying that I apologize if I am not exactly breaking new ground, but in my defense, everything I am about to barf out now were my initial observations.
Without further ado, here are my ten drunken observations on how the Smurfs were commies.
1.All Smurfs lived in the same size mushroom house as everyone else. You have all seen mushrooms! You may think I am under a mushroom-like influence right now, but I swear it is only hops and barley. Mushrooms come in different sizes, but they had to find the one field where every one is the same size so nobody felt bitter about having a smaller house? Some of those Smurfs deserved bigger houses. Handy Smurf did all the work in designing those homes but he didn’t even create a basement in his own house, when surely, he could. Every house had to be equal, regardless of what you contributed to the society, so a load like Lazy Smurf, who did absolutely nothing gets the same reward as a superstar like Handy.
Sounds like Communism to me.
- Smurfs had one role that appeared to be designated for them early in life.Some of them weren’t particularly good at what they were assigned to be but if that is what you were, that is what you had to be for the rest of your life. Sometimes it works out, like Handy, who must have been excellent at Lego as a kid, really was adept at architecture and lived up to his name. Hefty Smurf really was the strongest and he seemed to be the only one who owned any weights so that one worked out but what of some of the others:
Brainy Smurf had a lot of inventions, but many of his plans backfired leading one to question how smart he was in the first place. Because, he was diagnosed as nearsighted early in life and had to wear glasses, he just adopted what was expected of him and he read a lot. Jokey Smurf had only one joke; the exploding box. He wasn’t funny at all! But, he had the distinct laugh, so it was decided for him that he was the prankster of the bunch, which sucked for the rest of the Smurfs, because he couldn’t make any of them laugh! Clumsy Smurf’s job was only to be a clutz. He might not be the most co-ordinated Smurf, but when you are told that all of your life it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If one of the other Smurfs helped him out and got him a hat that wasn’t one size too big, he might see better and not trip so much. They can’t do that, because that is what Clumsy is supposed to be, and changing his role, changes the society. Lazy Smurf got the best end of the deal. They expected him to do shit and he gets an equal share of everything.
Maybe it was Grouchy Smurf, because he was allowed to be an asshole and nobody begrudged him for it.
Sounds like Communism to me.
- Smurfs had no currency. Smurfs didn’t use the barter system.They all worked (or didn’t work if that was your designation). Capitalism didn’t exist.
Sounds like Communism to me.
- The Smurfs would sing while they work or marched and it was always the same happy upbeat song with a lot of “la-las” in it.This was telling the community to be “happy in their work”.Art isn’t exactly encouraged in Communist societies so of course you only hear them sing one song. There may have been Painter Smurf, but his art was only portraits, and it wasn’t very creative. Painter Smurf’s art glorified all things Smurfy!
Sounds like Communism to me.
- Smurfs had no traditional family structure.In later episodes, Baby Smurf was introduced after he was brought from the stork, so he had no actual father or mother.Presumably, none of the Smurfs do, so none of them are actually related.
Why is this important?
The father of Communism, Karl Marx was against the family unit and stated that it was the way that wealthy passed on their property, thus keeping the class system intact. Smurfs own no property and since they have no blood relation, they wouldn’t favor one over the other. This is why the Smurfs value Smurfdom above all, just like Marx intended.
Sounds like Communism to me.
- Independent thought wasn’t encouraged.As I stated before, Painter Smurf claimed to be artistic, but he wasn’t.With the exception of Papa Smurf (I will get to him later), everyone wears the same stock clothes of the same shaped white hat and white pants. Sure, they could dress it up a bit, but how many times do you see a bunch of Smurfs running around where you can’t distinguish between one Smurf from another. How many of these Smurfs were named “Random Smurf”?
Sounds like Communism to me.
- Communist Russia (and pretty much Russia now) was homophobic.Vanity Smurf was clearly gay.Going back to an earlier point, Vanity may have been a cute baby Smurf, but most of them all look the same and beyond a pink flower on his hat, could you really tell him apart from “Random Smurf”?
I will tell you what happened in the Smurf Village. Papa Smurf figured out early from his somewhat effeminate voice that Vanity might be interested in the other Smurfs in ways that weren’t considered “Smurfy”. I guarantee that you that what he did was hand him a mirror and convinced him that the only one he should love was himself. This caused a chain reaction where Vanity expressed self-love, and subconsciously repressed his homosexual feelings.
Oh, and yes when I mean self-love, I guarantee that the mirror wasn’t the only thing he held tight with his left hand.
Homophobia?
Sounds like Communism to me.
- The Soviet Bloc was not just known for its homophobia but for its hatred of the Jewish faith.Who hated the Smurfs? Gargamel. What did he look like? A caricature of the perceived “hook-nosed Jew”, Gargamel wanted to capture and kill all the Smurfs and eat them. He was viewed as evil, ugly and stupid. How hard is it to find a mushroom field that was clearly only a few miles from his house? Especially considering he actually did find it on occasion and couldn’t remember where the hell what it was.
Not only that, he had a cat named Azreal. Azreal? Isreal? Coincidence?
Sounds like Communism to me.
- Look at the politics in the Smurf Village.Why was it decided that Papa Smurf was their leader?Is it just because he is the oldest? That is not the worst reason as he is certainly presented as the wisest but who chose him? Did Papa Smurf win an election? How long has he been the leader? Can he be kicked out if he does something incompetent or gets dementia? If Papa Smurf passes on, or no longer wants to lead, who takes over? Brainy Smurf seems to think it is him, but would that happen? Papa Smurf seems to have no succession plan (that we know of) as most real world dictators seem to lack. It probably would be Brainy as he seems to kiss Papa’s ass the most but how many episodes ended with the other Smurfs kicking Brainy out of the village for being a condescending dipshit?
Once Papa Smurf dies, I predict total Smurf anarchy.
Sounds like Communism to me.
- The most obvious one of all is Papa Smurf.The elder statesman of the Smurf Village didn’t have to wear white, as he wore red. Hmmm. Red. It wasn’t just red but a very similar shade of the Soviet Flag. Papa Smurf had a nice bushy beard, very similar to Karl Marx. What Papa Smurf said was the gospel and it wasn’t questioned. He had absolute authority over the rest of the Smurfs and it was never questioned. It was considered Smurf Law. What more could legendary left-wing leaders long for? They wanted what Papa Smurf created.
Sounds like Communism to me.
This ends my second drunken list, and no worries as I have just restocked my fridge. Hopefully my third one isn’t one that is in twenty-five other corners of the world wide web.
Maybe the next one will only be replicated in twenty of them.