We are remembering for that hot second in the early 90’s when we had a crush on Moira Kelly. Actually, though the movie wasn’t that good, it was that irrational attraction that probably caused us to watch in the first place. Still, Kelly was decent as the spoiled brat ice skating princess which was actually what she was asked to do. Funny, how half of the fictitious athletes we witness fail at that. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Cutting Edge (1992) Actor: Moira Kelly Played for: U.S.A. Why you should vote for her: Maybe you had a crush on…

Easily the talent of the Average Joe’s Dodgeball team, Kate Veatch is not necessarily on this list because of her powerful throw, rebuffing of White Goodman or her unicorn collection. She made the cut because of her final line in the movie, “I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual”. Now we know we are not the only ones who paid special attention to that one! The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) Actor: Christine Taylor Played for: The Average Joes Why you should vote for her: She was the talent after all. Why you should not vote…

Here is another one we had to be reminded about. Good Times was a groundbreaking television show in the 1970’s before it degenerated to the Jimmie Walker show, which may have made it funnier, but left it without it essence. That commentary aside, when the initial lead characters (John Amos and Esther Rolle) left the show, new characters were brought in, including a man for Thelma, an NFL Running Back named Keith Anderson. So that should have been the ticket out of the ghetto right? No, he wrecked his knee by being accidentally tripped up Jimmie “Dynamite” Walker. Basically, Kid…

Looking back, we wish they never made the third installment in the Bad News Bears series where they went to Japan. It is not because we don’t enjoy the film (we find them all enjoyable), but Jackie Earle Haley who played the star Centre Fielder appeared to have stunted growth after the first film, and his teammates all seemed to tower over him. To hammer that point, a year later he was Moocher, the diminutive member of the “Cutters” in the cycling movie, Breaking Away and in what was his final major film for twenty years, played a weasel like…

Generally it takes a bit of a time for fictitious sports athletes to become legendary, but Kenny Powers did so immediately right from the first episode on HBO’s Eastbound and Down. Loosely based on former pitcher John Rocker (especially after that infamous SI interview), took the Redneck southern stereotype and cranked it to eleven on the “Crudometer”. Nearly every episode, gives a new instant classic moment and we don’t know whether we really want to cheer for the mulleted one as his wallowing in baseball obscurity is a constant recipe for laughter. This could well be the first “active” Fictitious…

In the Richard Linklater (eventual classic), “Everybody Wants Some!!”, Ryan Guzman played one of the head horndogs, Kenny Roper, on the Southeast Texas University team.  Does his libido make him a contender here?  He is a college guy, so of course he is supposed to have a strong sex drive, but that hardly makes him a strong contender.

Kenny Tyler sunk the three that helped the University of Washington that helped them win the National Championship; which was an impressive feat considering his dead brother and teammate whose ghost had helped Washington win several games prior to. We will let that sink in for a minute. Now that you have thought this over, is there any chance that anything from this predictable tripe should enter the Hall?

Is it possible to be a lovable douchebag? That is kind of how we felt while watching Kevin “Thad” Castle, the star Linebacker in Blue Mountain State. Sure, he was a bully, and one of those guys who you wonder how you could become friends with, but he was a good teammate, and for our purposes, the most interesting character on the show. Still, this guy (Alan Ritchson) also portrayed Aquaman in Smallville, which conversely is our least favorite character in the D.C. Universe. Giant Sea Horses, my ass! The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Blue Mountain State (2010-2011) Actor:…

Now we can’t say we were admirers of Lori Petty’s Tank Girl look (and everything else since), but she was at her feisty best as Kit Keller, the younger sister of the star Catcher for the Rockford Peaches. Sure, sometimes the character was annoying in a Scrappy-Doo kind of way, but wait a minute, did we just compare Petty to the worst cartoon character of all time?   Well, she did get the winning hit to lead Racine (the team she was traded to midway through the movie) in the game’s climax, but did people leave the theatre remembering that? The…

Although “Above the Rim” had the urban grit you would expect from a street ball film, it was a little cliché ridden and predictable. Nevertheless, any fault of the film could not lay with Duane Martin, who was a legitimate Basketball player in Division III, NYU, and thus looked the part of concrete playground and Georgetown bound, Kyle Lee Watson. The issue for Watson’s induction is that he was overshadowed by Tupac Shakur who dominated this film and rendered the man who should have been the star to the second tier.

Didn’t Lance Harbor look like a plethora of Quarterbacks who were stars in college, or maybe the pros? So did Jesse Palmer, but he was the drizzling shits and kept getting chances because he looked the part. Actually, had it not been for what was a career ending injury for Harbor, we wager he would have had the same career: A star at Florida (though missing out on a Sugar Bowl win) A third round pick, backing up…..let’s say for the Jets. Start a couple of times and stink. Become a broadcaster by 27. Actually, that might have been better…

We have to say this about Morris Chestnut: we have no problem believing completely that he was a star Running Back, which puts him already ahead of several other fictitious football players. In “The Best Man” we learn that his character, Lance Sullivan was a star Running Back in College and in the sequel made fourteen years later, we saw him break the Rushing record as a professional with the New York Giants. On the surface it seems like a certain surefire contender right? Not exactly. In the first film we never saw him play, and when he broke the…

In the 70’s and 80’s, there were a lot of good Made for TV movies, one of which starred Peter Strauss, as Larry Murphy, a convicted felon with the gift for middle distance running. Essentially, it is shown that he is good enough to make the United States Olympic team, and is even given a trial to prove it, only to have it puled right from under him. He never did get a chance to prove he could be the best, unless you count what he did against a stopwatch.              The Bullet Points: TV Movie Appeared: The Jericho…

This was typical Disney fare for a sports film, so recounting here seems a little redundant. Let’s just say that when half way decent line occurred, it was given to the goofy looking fat kid; as tends to happen in mediocre films with copious amounts of children. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Big Green (1995) Actor: Patrick Renna Position Portrayed: Goalie Played for: Elma, TX Why you should vote for him: Have you seen this kid? Give him a break! Why you should not vote for him: Steve Guttenberg (a post Police Academy version) had the top billing here.…

While we can’t say we really understand the sport of Blernsball, we learn in Futurama that it is a top sport in the 31st Century and that our favorite mauve haired Cyclops would become the first woman in the sport.

It is a bit of stretch we know, but Adam Sandler, who loves athletics and athlete roles, was positioned as a Basketball standout that could always hit the corner three…in middle school. In his ensemble comedy, Grown Ups, it was established that he was the star of his team, though we have to wonder just how important middle school Basketball Coaches really are to get a star Hollywood agent to come back to his small town. Either way, Lenny Feder (Sandler’s character) deliberately misses a three pointer (the same one that one a championship game as a kid) to teach…

Leo “The Lion” Sporino was the son of Pete Sporino, a boxer who hoped that Rocky Balboa’s eventual trainer, Mickey Goldmill would take an interest in.  Leo would become ranked #4 in the word and would take on Apollo Creed’s progeny in a losing effort, but this is one of the better non-featured boxers in the Rocky franchise.

This one may be a little tricky. Heaven Can Wait was a well-respected film, and Football was a big part of it. There were cameos by legit NFL stars (like Deacon Jones) and the end goal was to win the Super Bowl, but film was more known for the dramatic vehicle for Warren Beatty. Beatty did not look like a Quarterback, especially a very young one, which he was supposed to portray, but as this was more of a fantasy type of picture, it seems to be easy to overlook. The problem here is that the movie does not seem…

Leon Taylor had a bad year on Playmakers. He lost his starting Running Back job, he slapped around his wife (which the media found out about), he took PEDs, and his career basically came to an end. Good thing for Taylor this show only lasted one season. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Playmakers (2003) Actor: Russell Hornsby Position Portrayed: Running Back Played for: The Cougars Why you should vote for him: You could never say that Taylor didn’t want to play. Why you should not vote for him: Seriously, it was a real bad year for Taylor. Maybe if…

We must have watched Rocky IV too many times before Rounders. We compared Teddy KGB to Ivan Drago, and when thinking of Lester “Worm” Murphy we thought of Paulie, a friend who only caused problems for our hero, due to selfishness and ineptitude. We’ll say this though, if we are going to have a friend that bad, we at least want him to be as good an actor as Edward Norton. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rounders (1998) Actor: Matt Damon Why you should vote for him: Norton was great as a weasel. Why you should not vote for him:…

In the paper thin characters given in the 1986 Football film, Wildcats, you would hope that the Quarterback would stand out a little bit. He does, but only marginally.   Levander ‘Bird’ Williams was the talent of the team, though he was having more fun (naturally) as a petty criminal. It was the only football playing role that was given a smidge of dimension, and we actually got see its portrayer, Mykelti Williamson, act in much better roles in the future. Although the film wasn’t great, it remains a favorite of Football fans, so if anyone should get in, it should…

Channeling the Charles Barkley “I am not a role model” speech, Lewis Scott is the typical selfish me first basketball player, whose Utah Jazz are facing the Boston Celtics for the NBA Finals. So of course he is kidnapped by a pair of diehard Celtics fans (Daniel Stern and Dan Aykroyd) who believe that by keeping Scott out of the lineup, they can help their beloved Celtics win the title. Does hilarity ensue? Not really. Does the selfish Basketball player learn a lesson about teamwork? Of course he does…this is a Basketball movie after all!  Although….didn’t Stephon Marbury kind of…

With all apologies to the fans of Pixar’s Cars, we made a mistake not putting Lightning McQueen on the original ballot. Saying that, we have the aforementioned anthropomorphic NASCAR looking automobile that was a brash rookie, which though has been a common thread in many racing films, we actually have one that showcases more character depth than many of those other “live action” ones combined. He didn’t win the Piston Cup in the first film (though by the sequel we would learn that he would win the championship later) it is a winning character. Chances are your young child would…

In our modest opinion, “Over the Top” is the ultimate 80’s guilty pleasure sports film; basically it is Roadhouse with Arm Wrestling. Actually, to the best of our knowledge, this is the only big budget Arm Wrestling film ever made. Although Stallone did himself no favors to appease critics of his acting with his performance, at least he was a million shades better than the snot nosed kid who played his son; who was so annoying that we could not imagine why he wanted to hang out with the little shit in the first place. Regardless, when we think of…

Although we had no real issue with the character of Lou Collins, it was his portrayer, Timothy Busfield that bothered us a bit. It was not that he was bad in the role, but at no point could we really buy the guy who was Poindexter in Revenge of the Nerds and one of the whining guys in Thirtysomething as a Major League First Baseman. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Little Big League (1994) Actor: Timothy Busfield Position Portrayed: First Base Played for: Minnesota Twins Why you should vote for him: Well, he banged the owner’s mom. That is a…