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The Athletes

Teddy KGB

In the 80’s, the signature Russian sports villain was Ivan Drago, the jacked up monosyllabic freak who dominated with his brawn. The decade after it was, Teddy KGB, who dominated his sport (if you consider poker a sport) with his cunning. And this ladies and gentleman is the byproduct of the fall of communism; that and Yakov Smirnoff working a theatre in Branson. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rounders (1998) Actor: John Malkovich Why you should vote for him: It was one of our favorite sports villains, with an accent. Why you should not vote for him: Is poker a…
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Terrence "T.K." King

Although he technically wasn’t the star of Necessary Roughness, Wide Receiver, Terrence “T.K.” King was the catalyst that necessitated bringing in a sports therapist in the first place. Part OchoCinco, part Moss and part T.O., King was the flashy head case that was why you stayed tuned to the show.                The Bullet Points: T.V. Show Appeared: Necessary Roughness (2011-13) Actor: Mechad Brooks Position Played: Wide Receiver Played for: New York Hawks & New Jersey Bobcats Why You Should Vote For Him: You have to appreciate stars. Why You Should Not Vote For Him: The show did not…
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Terry Brogan

Hmmmmm. We have a well-acted remake of a 1940’s Film Noir, with a Football related backstory that despite better than average reviews but is best known for the titular song that Phil Collins did. It doesn’t exactly seem like a winning formula for our Hall does it? Still, Jeff Bridges was great as Terry Brogan, the aging and released Football player of the Los Angeles Outlaws who was hired by the always entertaining James Woods to track down the Outlaws owner’s daughter. We didn’t get a lot of gridiron action, but we did get a lot of steamy sex scenes…
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Terry Conklin

This might not make sense now, but in the 1990’s, a white man was NOT becoming the Heavyweight Champion of the World in the sport of Boxing; but it would draw a lot of money if people thought it could happen. Damn, did this movie become irrelevant fast. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Great White Hype (1996) Actor: Peter Berg Why you should vote for him: He did beat the champ…..when he was an amateur. Why you should not vote for him: The theme outshone the match…which wasn’t very good.
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Terry Tate

We guess this qualifies. As Terry Tate: Office Linebacker, we got to see him destroy many suited white men destroyed with punishing hits (that would probably be banned in the NFL). The commercials were wildly popular, and allowed for its portrayer, Lester Speight to have his biggest success after unsuccessful careers in Football and Professional Wrestling, but we have to ask if a series of commercials qualify for our Hall of Fame? We aren’t sure either. The Bullet Points: Commercial Appeared: Reebok (2002-05) Actor: Lester Speight Position Portrayed: Office Linebacker Worked for: Various Offices across the United States Why you…
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Thornton Melon

This may not be a sports movie, but in what we consider to be one of Rodney Dangerfield’s funniest performances, his character did the “Triple Lindy” to win the diving meet for Grand Lakes University. Okay, so the dive obviously wasn’t done by Dangerfield, but who cares? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Back to School (1986) Actor: Rodney Dangerfield Played for: Grand Lakes Diving Team Why you should vote for him: This could be Dangerfield’s finest work. Why you should not vote for him: This is not really a sports movie.
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Thunderlips

Hulk Hogan has performed in many movies, but it was his first cinematic role as “Thunderlips” that he didn’t….well he didn’t suck. Nobody will ever confuse Hogan with Pacino (or even Pauly Shore), but the Hulkster showed more acting skill and range in those five minutes in Rocky III than he did in all his other roles combined. It made Hulk Hogan a star, and inadvertently launched the wrestling boom in the 1980’s. Looking back, this could be a legitimate dark horse candidate to make our Hall of Fame. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rocky III (1982) Actor: Hulk Hogan…
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Tim Riggins

He was not the star on the field, but Tim Riggins was the star with the women, and for many, the character that had the most intrigue. That in itself says something as the heartthrob of the show, was granted a series of plot lines that allowed the actor (Taylor Kitsch) to show a bit of his acting chops. Still, is this enough for a serious run at our Hall of Fame? With the cult status of this show, it just might be. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Friday Night Lights (2006-11) Actor: Taylor Kitsch Position Portrayed: Running Back/Fullback…
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Tommy "The Machine" Gunn

It is universally agreed that Rocky V was the worst of the series. It may have been so bad that the final film could have been titled: “Rocky VI, The Apology”. Nothing really worked in this film, especially Tommy Gunn, whose story arc resembled (and was acted almost as well) as Hayden Christensen’s transition from Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader. Basically, Morrison did not have the acting skills, nor was the story good enough that we cared about Tommy Gunn’s betrayal of the “Italian Stallion”. It didn’t help that it was the most anti-climactic ending fight scene in the Rocky…
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Tommy Lee

So how many of you clicked here expecting to see a well-endowed Heavy Metal drummer? Here is guessing that the producers of “Best of the Best” were Motley Crue fans, but we also wager that they watched a lot of early Chinese Kung Fu films where the hero avenges the death of his father/teacher/brother or whoever. This is what we have here, where Tommy (again not the drummer) avenges his brother who died in a Tae Kwon Do match against a Korean opponent, and oh who cares? It is a shallow role, (which gets shallower with each sequel) and it…
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Tommy Riley

The acting wasn’t great, and the plot was paper thin, but guilty pleasures abound in watching Tommy Riley (James Marshall). “Gladiator” (and we are not talking about the Russell Crowe Oscar winning film).   Although the acting wasn’t great, the fights were entertaining, and the corn-fed looking Marshall was the lead in the flick. That is enough for us to put him on the ballot. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Gladiator (1992) Actor: James Marshall Why you should vote for him: We have always had a soft spot for Brian Dennehy, and James Marshall took him out in the end. Why…
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Tommy Riordan

If you are going to have a Mixed Martial Arts film, the first thing you want is someone who looks the part. If they can act, it’s just a bonus. Tom Hardy delivered both as Tommy Riordan in the respected MMA film. In the film, Riordan is a former marine who is a natural at MMA and had a fight that went viral on the internet when he destroyed a man who was a pro fighter in less than 30 seconds. Riordan would enter a tournament where he would he be opposed by his brother, and though he did not…
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Tony Banta

At no point do we remember when we were watching Taxi, did we think that Tony Danza would have a long career in acting, but the former boxer started off playing a role he understood; a former boxer. As the dim-witted Tony Banta, Danza had the kind heart, tough fists and the New York attitude that helped make the ensemble comedy work. The show also paid a lot of attention to Banta’s boxing career, and made a point of incorporating it in minor plotlines. Incidentally Danza’s boxing record was considerably better than Banta’s; who was often knocked out. The Bullet…
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Tony Micelli

“Ay oh. Oh Ay.” This one perplexes us a bit. We admit to watching Who’s the Boss, though in our defence this was an era where nothing much else was on, and we were developing our crush on Alyssa Milano; which we still have to this day. The show may have been based on the sexual tension between Tony Danza (Tony Miceli) and Judith Light (Angela Bower), but in our sports related world, Micelli was a former Baseball player who had a cup of coffee with the St. Louis Cardinals. Danza could play the role of a former athlete, as…
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Torrance Shipman

So just what does being the lead cheerleader in a (and as far as we know only) successful cheerleading movie get you in regards to our Hall of Fame? Well Torrance Shipman (Kirsten Dunst) was the lead in every way in “Bring it on” and it led to a series of direct to video sequels. It was a money maker, a surprise hit, and became iconic in the world of cheerleading. Basically it comes down to this: if you think cheerleading is a sport, this is a solid contender for out Hall, and if you don’t it won’t be.  …
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Turbo

Sometimes we are convinced that Dreamworks can do no wrong. In the cute animated film, Turbo, we meet an ordinary garden snail that has a need for speed, and through a freak accident is able to achieve just that and gets to compete at the Indianapolis 500. Seriously, did you ever think when you were young that animation would come this far and would suck you in this much? Honestly, we think we have a sleeper candidate here.              The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Turbo (2013) Actor: Ryan Reynolds Why You Should Vote For Him: Well, he does win…
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Ty Webb

Although he never kept score, we knew that Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) was an exceptional golfer. The goofy prodigy would sometimes golf blindfolded, and though he was a little on the clumsy side, he was the ladies’ man of the film. If for no ever reason, Ty Webb is on this ballot because we guarantee that everyone reading this that has ever been on a golf course has gone “nananananana”. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Caddyshack (1980) Caddyshack II (1988) Actor: Chevy Chase Why you should vote for him: Webb was an icon of cool in Caddyshack. Why you should…
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Tyler Durden

Here we have another entry that confuses us. Does Tyler Durden in Fight Club count? We aren’t sure ourselves, as the character himself technically didn’t exist. Still in the world of bare knuckle boxing; this might be a classic….if you think of it that way. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Fight Club (1999) Actor: Brad Pitt Why you should vote for him: This is a cult classic that will live for a long time. Why you should not vote for him: Is this a sports film?
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Union Cane

For better or for worse, we have to respect anyone who is a World Heavyweight Champion in the Rocky Universe. Union Kane would challenge a very disoriented Rocky Balboa when he came back from Russia from his fight against Ivan Drago. The fight never materialized due to Balboa’s retirement, but Kane did win a tournament to become the vacant champion; a belt he held until Tommy Gunn destroyed him.              The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rocky V (1990) Actor: Michael Williams Why You Should Vote For Him: There really is not a good one. He was a background figure…
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Vince Boudreau

As you may have deduced, we love Woody Harrelson in sports related films, but somehow (and shockingly considering this was directed by Ron Shelton) Play it to the Bone fell flat. Come to think of it, we may have liked Woody better as the failed Quarterback in Wildcats. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Play it to the Bone (1999) Actor: Woody Harrelson Why you should vote for him: Woody is an icon in the world of Fictitious Athletes. Why you should not vote for him: The boxing result somehow did not matter here. How the hell did that happen?
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Vincent Lauria

Although we think Tom Cruise does not always get the credit he deserves regarding his acting skills, it may have been because he appeared opposite some serious legends like Dustin Hoffman (Rain Man) and Paul Newman in The Color of Money that he looked like he couldn’t measure up. We always thought that Cruise held his own against Newman, and played the role of the pompous pool player who had a gift with a stick. Admittedly, we enjoyed the scenes with Newman more, but remember Vince embarrassed his mentor with a perfect hustle at the end. Of course, we also…
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Viola Hastings

Before Amanda Bynes went completely nuts, she was the sweetheart of family friendly romantic teen coms. One of her most popular roles was as Viola Hastings, a Soccer player who wanted to test her skills by competing with the boys. She of course posed as a boy to compete, and the standard clichés occurred. Unlike her twitter account, there was a happy ending here, and this was not the worst Shakespearean adaptation ever done. It was far from the best though. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: She’s the Man (2006) Actor: Amanda Bynes Position Portrayed: Forward Played for: Illyria Why…
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Vontae Mack

Although the player who was the focus of the NFL draft in the Kevin Costner film, Draft Day, was the University of Wisconsin Quarterback, it was a Linebacker from Ohio State who would go first overall and be the real (or so we are led to believe) prize in the draft. Vontae Mack (Chadwick Boseman) lobbied hard to be a Cleveland Brown (really?) and through footage and persistence he convinces Crash Davis, Ray Kinsella, Billy Chapel, the Bodyguard guy Sonny Weaver Jr. (Kevin Costner) to do just that. Hey, this guy moonlit as Jackie Robinson so let’s agree that they…
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Walter Sobchak

Possibly the angriest man on the ballot, Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) had no problem pulling out a gun when needed, referencing everything back to his time in Vietnam and sticking to the rules of bowling. Is this the staple of a Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame? Depending on your love of this cult film, he just might be. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Big Lebowski (1998) Actor: John Goodman Why you should vote for him: If you saw him, you remembered him. Not everyone on this ballot can say that. Why you should not vote for him: Athletic competition…
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Warren Coolidge

The undisputed star player of Carver, Warren Coolidge was the towering Center whose size and skills made him a favorite of Coach Reeves, but his laziness also made him a constant target. Most of our favorite episodes of the White Shadow; especially the ones where his naivety showed through, leading some of the program’s funnier moments.   Coolidge was the only character we got to learn anything concrete about after his Carver High days, as he appeared as an orderly in St. Elsewhere and learned that his pro dreams never did materialize. Wait, if Coolidge was on St. Elsewhere, does that…
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