Generally, when you take an active athlete and put him in a major movie, the results are disastrous (Shaquille O’Neal we are looking in your direction!), but Ray Allen gave a very earnest performance in Spike Lee’s “He Got Game”. The three point specialist played, Jesus Shuttlesworth (is that not a cool name or what?), who was widely recruited by multiple institutions to play hoops, and his father (Denzel Washington) was granted a week long sabbatical from prison to help convince him to play for the college of his Warden’s alma mater in return for a reduced prison stay. The…

George Clooney does not have a lot of missteps and even when he does, he always seems to get a pass. Actually, we are not even sure that “Leatherheads” was even that much of a misstep, even though the film was not popular, and only received mixed reviews; Clooney was as charming as always and physically looked the part of a 1920’s Football player. The only problem that as much as we love the sport in North America; we were not clamoring for a Football movie set after World War I.

Another candidate we almost forgot, Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans) was the disgraced Quarterback kicked out of the league for gambling reasons. Although we never saw Dix on the field (and is there a worse name for a Fictitious Athlete than this?), his relationship to his old team plays a key plot point to what we thought was a forgotten Action gem. A Quarterback who goes toe to toe with Bruce Willis during his action apex? Now we are wondering how we forgot about this at all.

Squeaking out of the Contributors category because he played the Point for the African tribe in the movie’s third act, we now have the opportunity to play “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” in the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame. As Jimmy Dolan, Bacon travelled to Africa to recruit what he thought would be a star player for his university where he was a coach. As always, Bacon did a fine job, but it was not a movie that had much of audience. We suspect that the only way Kevin Bacon makes our Hall is by actually playing the Six Degrees…

Sure, “There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble” is predictable, but it is done so well that you don’t care if you know what is coming at every turn. Newcomer, Lewis McKenzie is perfect in what we think was his only role as Jimmy Grimble, a diehard Manchester City fan in a school of Manchester United fans, whose awkward nature makes him a natural target for bullying. This changes when he receives a pair of shoes once worn by a former Man City star, and confidence soars for young Grimble on the pitch. Again, very predictable, but you can’t help but cheer…

Sometimes (actually, a lot of the time) it is difficult to defend being a fan of professional wrestling. The movie, “Ready to Rumble” did not help anyone who is standing on that soapbox at all. Rather than go into the details about what was wrong with the film, allow us to say this: If they were going to get a legitimate actor to play a pro wrestler could they not have found one who at least looked the part? With all due respect to Oliver Platt, (who was cast as Jimmy King, the object of two dimwitted wrestling fanboy’s hero…

After the surprise success of Napoleon Dynamite, it seemed that the world could not get enough of Jon Heder; that is until we saw more of Jon Heder. Realistically, there isn’t much you can do with him other than effeminate wimpy roles….so enter, Figure Skating. With all due respect to Napoleon Dynamite fans out there, Heder’s Jimmy MacElroy was not exactly the strongest part of this film, and was overshadowed by his co-stars. Still, he performed the dangerous “Iron Lotus” at the end, and was paired with the bookishly cute, Jenna Fischer, so that gets at least a somewhat acceptable…

It is a little hard to watch the racist “good ole boy” Joe Bob Priddy in North Dallas Forty without cringing at his backwards thoughts and misogynist actions; yet he is a form of guilty entertainment, and every time he was on the screen we couldn’t wait to see what he would do next. That makes him a worthwhile candidate for the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame.

Technically the lead character in BASEketball, Joe Cooper (Trey Parker of South Park fame) brought us a fictitious sport for discussion for our Fictitious Hall. Of the two slackers (the other of course being South Park co-creator Matt Stone), “Coop” was the dependable one and the heart of his team (the Milwaukee Beers) and the new found league (the National BASEketball League). He may have sacrificed a few of the laughs in the movie to his partner, but he broke out the Cartman voice, so there are bonus points there. Besides, he brought home the Denslow Cup at the end,…

Usually the Quarterback is the star of the show, but despite being the football character with the most screen time in the Program, Joe Kane did not feel like the main guy. Maybe it was because the actor playing him (Craig Sheffer) never really had any other major role, or maybe it was because he started out as a Heisman candidate, and flamed out due to personal demons. Perhaps it was because this was not a film with a standard Hollywood sports ending, and that the attempt to go into the seedier side of College Football didn’t go far enough.…

Disney plus the Rock plus Football equals…..well it equals a Football movie that isn’t much about Football, nor does it feature a Dwayne Johnson that is very interesting. As Joe Kingman, Johnson is a star Quarterback who is a playboy (though Disneyfied), and beyond a few cute scenes, we aren’t given much here. It is a lot better than the “Tooth Fairy” at least.

The critics hated it. The movie going public didn’t care for it. It is hardly ever shown on cable reruns. It is barely remembered. Still, its star is Sylvester Stallone, an icon of the F.A.H.O.F., and though it did not deliver and was corny and somewhat unrealistic, are we wrong that we want to give “Sly” a pass? Even with that pass, the film is not great, and Stallone and company were not able to deliver a good (though visually appealing) Formula One film. That was too bad, as at that time in sports world was ready to embrace one.

Drag Racing will always be a fringe sport within a sport that can only go so far in popularity, but a sport nevertheless.  We lost what could have been a great one when John Milner died while from getting hit by a drunk driver on New Year’s Eve in 1964.  

John Tucker never did die (though the career of Jesse Bradford certainly did) and after he learned his lesson in humility he likely forgot it once he became a college basketball star, though we aren’t that sure that being the best player at Forest Hill High means you are really that good.

So this is the movie where Keanu Reeves tried to transition from Ted “Theodore” Logan to “serious actor”. We aren’t sure who to thank for that. We will say that few names are cooler (or douchier) than Johnny Utah. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Point Break (1991) Actor: Keanu Reeves Why you should vote for him: Whoa!   Sorry, that’s all we got. Why you should not vote for him: The sport was showcased, but not in competition.

Let’s make sure we understand this correctly. The guy who played Farmer Ted in Sixteen Candles; a character that we will make a claim was the absolute geekiest of all High School related film characters, is supposed to be considered believable as the most widely recruited Quarterback in his senior year in High School? Let’s add some more fuel to this. This is also the same guy who only a couple years before was the nerdy brain in the Breakfast Club, and had a bra on top of his head while designing the perfect girl in Weird Science. So again…

Although most people labeled Mickey Rourke as nuts when he gave up Hollywood for boxing, he was an accomplished amateur boxer and natural for the role of Johnny Walker (don’t you alcoholics love that name?), a movie he took three years before he temporarily gave up acting. Rourke just fit as the man one punch away from serious brain damage, exhibiting the kind of brooding sympathy that only he could deliver in the late 80’s. In retrospect, this was almost training for what would be his comeback role as Randy “The Ram” Robinson from “The Wrestler”, another nominee here, but…

We can’t say that when we saw James Van Der Beek in those sappy and seemingly never ending dialogue in Dawson’s Creek, that we would have bought him as a Quarterback. Perhaps that is why he worked in Varsity Blues, as Van Der Beek played Jon Moxon, who was kind of the anti-Quarterback. He was content to be a backup, and an academic star, and served well as the best friend to the star QB, Lance Harbor. When he did step in, he was good, but it was never implied that he was as good as Harbor. Rather, it was…

A Science Fiction Film wrapped up in a sports motif, Rollerball is a movie that was way ahead of its time. In this dystopian future, powerful corporations run the world, and its form of entertainment is “Rollerball”; a full contact sport where two teams (from all around the world) race around an oval track on roller skates (with some in motorcycles) where the goal is place a metal ball in a small hole. Unlike other sports, defence appears to be the star of two sides of the coin, as combatants are there to stop a goal by any means necessary.…

You have to hand it to Ted Knight who managed to portray Judge Elihu Smails as a character with no redeeming qualities and was easily the most pompous blowhard in sports cinema history. Considering that most people knew Knight as the bungling newscaster, Ted Baxter on the Mary Tyler Moore Show (which itself was one of the best television characters in the 1970’s) the fact that you immediately forgot his Emmy Award winning performances within the first words of Judge Smails. Smails was the co-founder of the Bushwood Country Club that the common man (or even other rich men) despised.…

As Jules Paxton in Bend it Like Beckham, Keira Knightley broke out in a great role which was not standard “best friend” fare. She was spunky, athletic and despite not having top billing, was the “Alpha Female” in the flick. We are not sure if anyone from this movie will get inducted into the Hall of Fame, but if one does, we suspect it will Knightley. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Bend it Like Beckham (2002) Actor: Keira Knightley Position Portrayed: Striker Played for: Hounslow Harriers Why you should vote for her: It was a strong role, both for acting…

This isn’t the best role that L.L. Cool J ever had; at least not the one where he was given a chance to shine. Julian Washington was a whiner who complained about lack of plays and the scene that we remember most is when a kid told him how his dad said he didn’t play hard anymore because he already got paid. Actually, he may have nailed the part of a modern athlete. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Any Given Sunday (1999) Actor: L.L. Cool J Position Portrayed: Running Back Played for: Miami Sharks Why you should vote for him:…

We are going to loosely apologize on this one. Nobody here at notinhalloffame.com ever saw the show, Hang Time and when we tried to watch it we never got past a minute. However, this program lasted six seasons on the NBC Saturday morning schedule….so somebody watched this dreck. Okay, with one minute of viewing and only internet research, here is what we do know. Beyond the title character (who we are nominating here) the show revolved countless actors, of which we have only heard of one (Anthony Anderson), had multiple NBA guest stars and had former two time NBA All…

We know that the character of Junior Bevil was to create the contrast to mean looking “Yul Brynner”, but can we agree that Bevil was the least interesting member of the “Jamaican Bobsled Team?” Since the film put their own spin on the actual actions of the 1988 Olympics and renamed the people that inspired it, could they not have come up with a different character? Sorry, we just realized we were looking for depth in what was just a cute and happy sports film. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Cool Runnings (1993) Actor: Rawle D. Lewis Played for: Jamaican…

It really should matter whether or not “Kansas City Bomber” was a good film, but allow us to point out two essential facts in 1972. Fact #1: Roller Derby was a hot sport in 1972, especially on the women’s side. Fact #2: Raquel Welch was hot in 1972. The question here is not the validity of roller derby as a sport (it certainly is), but it did not remain a relevant one, and as such this movie is largely forgotten. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Kansas City Bomber (1972) Actor: Raquel Welch Played for: Portland Loggers Why you should vote…