The Athletes

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Mike Lawson

We have to hand it to Zach Morris as we didn’t think that he would ever play a believable athlete. Actually he did so well, that it took an episode to realize that Mark-Paul Gosselaar was in fact Mike Lawson!

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Mike McDermott

Is Poker a sport? Lord knows it is on late night sports television enough, so for arguments sake, let’s say it is. If so, than Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) is a greats sports champion who went through the proper paces that you expect from a great athlete.

Mike McDermott

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Milton Reese

The lead singer of the Carver High Basketball team was not the most developed character on or off the court, but that was not what bothered us about Milton Reese. For us, it was that Reese looked like he was ten years older than everyone else (and was 28 when the show started). We know that Hollywood often casts late twenty-somethings as teenagers, but at least most of them are remotely passable. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: The White Shadow (1978-1981) Actor: Nathan Cook Position Portrayed: Small Forward Played for: Carver H.S. Why you should vote for him: Just…

Milton Reese

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Missy Pantone

We will just lay it out there. We have had a crush on Eliza Dushku forever, and seeing her in a cheerleaders outfit only helps. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Bring it on (2000) Actor: Eliza Dushku Played for: The Toros Why you should vote for her: We probably did not make a strong case for her did we? Why you should not vote for her: Cheerleading is not exactly a sport.

Missy Pantone

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Monica Wright

If we never watch the WNBA, do we really care about a character in the WNBA? Can’t say we do. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Love and Basketball (2000) Actor: Sanaa Lathan Position Portrayed: Point Guard Played for: USC/Los Angeles Sparks Why you should vote for her: Um…….. Why you should not vote for her: We stand by our WNBA analogy.

Monica Wright

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Monroe Hutchen

In what was the last athletic role of note of his great Fictitious Athlete career, Wesley Snipes donned the gloves as a prison boxing star, who was undefeated in prison boxing. As his legitimate career was derailed by incarceration, Monroe Hutchen (Snipes) never had the chance to test his skills against the best; until we remember that this is a movie and the former Heavyweight Boxing champion of the world lands in the same penitentiary.

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Monty Brewster

In one of the many retelling of the 1902 novel of the same name, Richard Pryor starred as Monty Brewster, a down on his luck baseball pitcher who stands to inherit 300 million dollars, providing he can spend 30 million in 30 days. Brewster had a very brief stint with the Chicago Cubs, and was flaming out with the minor league, Hackensack Bulls. While he was in the process of spending his 30 million he funded a game with the Bulls in an exhibition against the New York Yankees, where Monty again showed the pitching skills of (insert your least…

Monty Brewster

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Morris Thorpe

The conniving and self-loving Point Guard for Carver High was one of our favorites on the White Shadow. Morris Thorpe was everything you expected from a Point Guard; he was talented, had swagger and of course gave women VD (that actually happened). This was a character we would have loved to have followed in college. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: The White Shadow (1978-1981) Actor: Kevin Hooks Position Portrayed: Point Guard Played for: Carver H.S. Why you should vote for him: Some of the best lines from this show came from Thorpe’s mouth. Why you should not vote for…

Morris Thorpe

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Moses Guthrie

This time the star of the basketball film cliché of “selfish player learns the value of team work” was actually played one of the great basketball players of all time: “Dr. J” Julius Erving. Incidentally, that is NOT what made this a cult classic, as Erving’s acting, while significantly better than Shaquille O’Neal in Kazaam (which is not exactly a difficult thing to do) was still in the Fred Dryer of Hunter fame (remember that show) school of monotones and expressionless. Rather it was the fact that this movie was given a disco soundtrack, had a complete 70’s fashion and…

Moses Guthrie

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Nanu

Tarzan meets Track and Field in the Disney tale of “The World’s Greatest Athlete”, which see sad sack College Coaches recruiting a jungle boy named Nanu from Africa (Jan Michael Vincent) when they watch him outrun a cheetah. Now, the real question is can they escape the witchdoctor! Actually, that was serious, that really is part of the plot! Anyway, this film may not hold a lot of traction now, but in 1973 this film was a hit. The Bullet Points: Movies Appeared: The World’s Greatest Athlete (1973) Actor: Jan Michael Vincent Why You Should Vote For Him:…

Nanu

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Ned Braden

In some ways, Ned Braden was the least interesting character of the Charlestown Chiefs, but without his straight man persona, the film would have run the risk of getting into a territory whereby it would have been more Slap Stick than Slap Shot. Braden was not just the intellectual counter to the rest of the team, but the physical one as he refused to “goon” it up with the rest of team. As we stated, it wasn’t a fun role, but it was a necessary one. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Slap Shot (1977) Actor: Michael Ontkean Position Portrayed: Centre…

Ned Braden

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Neon Boudeaux

It is not that Shaquille O’Neal stunk as Neon Boudeaux in “Blue Chips”. The role called for a mumbling beast of a man who could make opponents look like small children, and Shaq could do that easily. Basically, it wasn’t a stretch for him and though he received second billing on the movie poster, he really did not have that many lines. Blue Chips was a modest success, and though it was not critically praised, little negative attention was heaped on the seven footer. Perhaps because of this, we got Kazaam and Shaq-Fu; which were two of the worst abortions…

Neon Boudeaux

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Nick DiAngelo

Watching Rob Lowe as a rower in Oxford Blues was…..well painful. Still, in the mid 80’s, Lowe was a teen heartthrob and garnered a lot of attention for roles like this. Actually, doesn’t this happen every decade? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Oxford Blues (1984) Actor: Rob Lowe Why you should vote for him: It may not have been a hit in the box office, but it did have legs. Why you should not vote for him: Rob Lowe frankly stunk here and was not believable as a rower. Nor did we care if he got the girl.

Nick DiAngelo

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Nigel "The Leg" Gruff

The Replacements was not a great film, though it has received a solid audience through sports fans. Generally, multiple characters are developed in these ensemble sports films, but realistically the Keanu Reeves vehicle had little other players worth remembering. That is with the exception of the Welsh soccer player, Nigel “The Leg” Gruff. His was the only one given anything remotely interesting to do (other than Falco) and we are sure many people who watched Gruff kick, wanted to break out into the well-known soccer chant of “Ole”. Still, we have a problem indicting someone into the Hall whose gambling…

Nigel Gruff

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O. W. Shaddock

His role was not a big one, but O.W. Shaddock makes the ballot for having one of the best lines ever in a sports film when talking angrily to his coach:“Every time I call it a game, you call it a business. And every time I call it a business, you call it a game." Trust us, it sounds better when it comes from the angry lips of John Matuszak. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: North Dallas Forty (1979) Actor: John Matuszak Position Portrayed: Offensive Lineman Played for: North Dallas Bulls Why you should vote for him: How about for…

O W Shaddock

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Ogie Oglethorpe

It was Ned Dowd’s minor league hockey career that apparently inspired his sister, Nancy to pen what would be an instant sports classic, Slap Shot. Ned was cast as Ogie Oglethorpe, the goon that scared goons. It wasn’t a huge role, but we just couldn’t leave a character named Ogie Oglethorpe off our ballot. The Bullet Points: Movie(s) Appeared: Slap Shot (1977) Actor: Ned Dowd Position Portrayed: Enforcer Played for: Syracuse Bulldogs Why you should vote for him: In a movie about goons, he was the one that was feared the most. Why you should not vote for him: It…

Ogie Oglethorpe

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Ollie

Jimmy Chitwood may be the one who gets the votes here on the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame, but it was the pint sized Ollie who may have had the most memorable scene in the film where he sank two free throws to win a pivotal game. Watching his nerves in a hostile environment (shooting underhand no less) stuck out far more than any shot Chitwood made. He couldn’t have been more than 5’5’’ but he was proof of the team dynamic and focus on fundamentals that Coach Norman Dale taught small Hickory High. The Bullet Points: Movie…

Ollie

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Paul "Wrecking" Crewe

Many critics and fans alike had issues with Adam Sandler taking on the role of convicted Quarterback, Paul “Wrecking” Crewe. Honestly, we understood it, as Burt Reynolds’ 1974 portrayal of the same role was one of the best roles of his career, and a great sports film. We won’t say that the Adam Sandler remake was as good, but the comedian did not try to replicate the Reynolds’ version as though the plot was the same, the tone and delivery were completely different, making it purely a Sandler vehicle. We actually meant that as a compliment, as we are referring…

Paul Crewe

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Paul Blake

Necessary Roughness is not exactly a great football film. It isn’t terrible either, and much of that is because of Scott Bakula whose earnest demeanor just made everything believable….even in a film with as many gridiron related plot holes as this.

Paul Blake

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Pavel Vendek

When you think of Charles Aznavour, you think one of the most popular French (and frankly world) singers of all time, and his subtle charisma. Of course, when you curate the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame, you remember him as an aging Soviet Bloc long distance runner, and the character we cheered for in “The Games”. Run Pavel, Run! The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Games (1970) Actor: Charles Aznavour Ran for: Czechoslovakia Why you should vote for him: We thought he was the most likable character from “The Games”, and he had a great run…in his mid-40’s. Why you…

Pavel Vendek

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Pedro Cerrano

Before he was the President of the United States on 24, Dennis Haysbert was Pedro Cerrano; the home run hitting, voodoo worshipping curve ball whiffing, chicken sacrificing Right Fielder for the Cleveland Indians. Cerrano may not have been part of the core group that the movie focused on (nor was it a character that you really needed in the movie), but it was a very nice complimentary character that stole a few scenes, and hit a home run to tie the game up in the tie-breaking game. Now if only Haysbert would endorse Allstate Insurance as Cerrano. The Bullet Points:…

Pedro Cerrano

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Peter Colt

With the rise to prominence of Scottish born, Andy Murray in the tennis ranks, the idea of Wimbledon, a 2004 film where a journeyman Englishman wins the most prestigious tournament in Tennis doesn’t seem as special. Actually, there is not a whole lot special about the movie which isv“Chick Flick 101” set in a Tennis backdrop, but we do like Paul Bettany’s portrayal of the “never was” Peter Colt, and his unlikely rise at the sport’s grandest stage. Of course, Bettany is a British actor so that automatically makes a film better….and yes we DID make that generalization. The Bullet…

Peter Colt

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Peter Griffin

If we can have Homer Simpson, on the ballot is it a bit of a stretch to have Peter Griffin on as well? Perhaps a bit, as Peter is more of a fan of sports than an actual participant….except for that stretch where he played for the New England Patriots as an expert blocker for Tom Brady; that was until he scored a touchdown and orchestrated the greatest touchdown dance of all time, thus angering the star Quarterback and was traded across the Atlantic to the London Silly Nannies, where his new teammates lived up to their team name. Maybe…

Peter Griffin

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Peter Lafleur

When the tag line of the movie is “A True Underdog Story”, they weren’t exaggerating. Led by Peter LaFleur (Vince Vaughn reprising what has to be the same stone faced sarcastic one he has had for more than a decade), it is the story of a bunch of physical and social misfits who frequent Average Joe’s gym who band together to save their facility by entering a Dodgeball tournament with a $50,000 prize. For a sports flick, the film preaches comedy over athletics, especially now with the unintended comedic effect of Lance Armstrong (the only certifiable athlete in the film)…

Peter Lafleur

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Phil Elliot

Sex, Drugs, Booze, Office Politics, and Football. That is the equation that gave us Phil Elliott, the Wide Receiver of the North Dallas Bulls, who gave us more of an insight on the inner workings of Football than any sports movie before (or many since). We were compelled at the start by the way Elliott struggled to get out of bed in the morning; and what he put himself through to keep playing the game he was not sure that he loved anymore. As problems with the NFL continue to mount, this movie (and Elliott in particular) ages better; and…

Phil Elliot