We admit that we far preferred the hulking Richard Kiel as “Jaws” in the two 70’s James Bond films, and we actually had a soft spot for him as “Mr. Larson”, the man with a nail in his head in Happy Gilmore. But the seven foot five actor was a beast for the “Mean Machine” in the Longest Yard, and quite the intimidating one at that. His most memorable moment in the flick was having his nose broke, and whining like a five year old; which though may not be one that strikes fear, does illicit a few chuckles. We’ll…

Okay, we know that Disney completely put their own spin on the Jamaican Bobsled Team, because if there really was a competitor named Sanka Coffee, he might have had a bigger run than Eddie “The Eagle Edwards in 1988. Played by Doug E. Doug, Coffee was the comedic star of the group, and the teams brake man based on his prowess in Push Cart races in Jamaica. Most importantly, most of the laughs in this film came from him, which might be worth something in our Hall of Fame. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Cool Runnings (1993) Actor Doug E.…

We are a bit torn with this one. First off, we loved the participation from FIFA, which lent the trilogy of Goal! Series a brilliant look with its cameos and overall cinematography. Still, to believe a kid out of the Los Angeles barrios could come out of nowhere to become an international soccer superstar is a little far-fetched. Still, we loved the look of the films and if we say that, we have to nominate its star. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Goal! (2005) Goal II: Living the Dream (2007) Goal III: Taking on the World (2009) Actor: Kuno Becker…

We really like Michael J. Fox, and chances are there are many of you out there who do to. Now, his lone sports related role as wallflower high school kid turned basketball star werewolf was not exactly Oscar worthy, but it was fun and still gets a lot of play on cable reruns. Fox may not have been the man who played as the “Wolf” (That was done by Loyola Marymount Freshman, Jeff Glosser) but did that really matter? What does matter is that for our purposes is that there is a significant amount of basketball in the film (some…

We only have one real point here. With all due respect to Queen Latifah, there is no NBA player (star or benchwarmer) who is picking the Queen over Paula Patton.   It does not matter how many NBA players you put in this film to make it look authentic that is the bottom line. Based on the box office receipts for this movie, nobody else bought that either.   The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Just Wright (2010) Actor: Common Position Portrayed: Point Guard Played for: New Jersey Nets Why you should vote for him: Common did not suck in this movie. Why…

At no point have we ever understood the appeal of Ryan O’Neal, and after re-watching “The Games” when he was young and about to become a star, we are even more confused. Frankly we wonder if Americans watching this movie were cheering against their country in this one. We know that we did. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Games (1970) Actor: Ryan O’Neal Ran for: The United States Why you should vote for him: Hmmmmm. All we got is “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” Why you should not vote for him: Like we said, the American hero was….not much of one.

The idea of Kevin James working his way up to beat a UFC Heavyweight contender may be laughable, but the first big budget Mixed Martial Arts film had the blessing and support from UFC (making it at least look good) and was reasonably well done visually. We are very curious to see how this film ages and whether their inspirational message will have legs. If so, Scott Voss in the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame is a possibility. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Here Comes the Boom (2012) Actor: Kevin James Why you should vote for him: He raised the…

There is a part of a lot of people that can identify with Scotty Smalls, the shy kid whose lack of athletic ability made him an easy target, but overall was a good kid who would become a loyal friend. We liked that he would grow up to be a Dodgers announcer (and thus call games of his childhood friend, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez), but can we forgive him for not knowing who Babe Ruth was? We have to think about that one. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Sandlot (1993) Actor: Tom Guiry Position Portrayed: N/A Played for: The…

We kind of have a love/hate relationship with Mac Davis. On interviews he always came across so likeable, and someone you want to go out and have a few beers with. On the other hand, his greatest hit was telling women that he was scum (Baby, Don’t get Hooked on me) and that he was just using them, though we have to give him credit for the way that few women seemed to pick up on that and viewed him as a curly headed sex symbol for women in the 1970’s. He also penned the schmaltzy songs that Bobby Goldsboro…

The man who choked horrifically for Ohio State in the 1996 Sugar Bowl and flamed out in the professional ranks, Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) received a second opportunity when a strike forced the use of replacement players. So how did Reeves rebound from a label of a choke artist who avoided contact? Apparently, all he needed was Gene Hackman, a cheerleader and “Heart”. Sure, the believability scale wasn’t too high on this one, but somehow we bought Reeves as a Quarterback, and this sports flick is a favorite of many. Actually, we believed he was more capable of that than…

He wasn’t on Eastbound and Down for long, but we loved Jason Sudeikis as Shane Gerald, the friend and partner in debaucheries with Kenny “Fucking” Powers. We are wondering though, if maybe we should nominate the Catcher’s cocaine instead. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Eastbound and Down (2012) Actor: Jason Sudeikis Position Portrayed: Catcher Played for: Myrtle Beach Mermen Why you should vote for him: He was a great partner for Powers. Why you should not vote for him: Conceivably, this is not even among the top three characters of the show.

For a Hockey movie, there was not that much of the sport in it, and by the time the Mystery, Alaska team played an inconceivable game against the New York Rangers (of which no actual Rangers played in), we didn’t care. Based on reviews and DVD sales, you didn’t either. Russell Crowe was the star of the film, so we are giving his Sheriff John Biebe character a token nomination. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Mystery, Alaska (1999) Actor: Russell Crowe Position Portrayed: Forward Played for: Mystery, Alaska Why you should vote for him: We don’t know; because you loved…

Shooter McGavin was the perfect foil to Happy Gilmore. Where Gilmore (Adam Sandler) was a man of the people, Shooter was an arrogant elitist who represented the old school ideal if the sport. McGavin was a talented player on the golf tour, but his sliminess oozed throughout the picture and this was the prime example of the character you “loved to hate”. To this day, we know that we are not the only ones who see Christopher McDonald (who is constantly working in film and television) and can only see him as “Shooter McGavin”. That may be a testament to…

Our lone literary nominee is a doozy. On April 1, 1985, Sports Illustrated ran a story about a New York Mets pitching prospect who could throw at 168 mph; well over 60 miles per hour of the fastest known pitch. That man was Sidd Finch, who was a large footed hermit who was debating whether to play Baseball or the French Horn…..and thousands of Mets fans bought it. The piece was written by literary legend, George Plimpton, and so expertly that readers who chose not to look at the calendar (it was April Fool’s Day after all), bought it despite…

Wesley Snipes may have been in many sports related films, but Sidney Dean may have been the best one. As a street ball hustler, he showed us swagger (before we even used that as a word), trash talking, and intelligence in a package designed to drain buckets on the pavement. We will grant that Snipes was one half of what was a perfectly cast package, but though the fashions may date the film, Wesley’s role was timeless. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Actor: Wesley Snipes Position Portrayed: N/A Played for: Himself Why you should vote…

As unlikely as Gene Wilder is in any athletic role, we will say that we loved (as we are sure many did) him as the prison inmate turned rodeo star. Did he look the part? Hell no; but this is one of those cases where it didn’t matter one bit. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Stir Crazy (1980) Actor: Gene Wilder Why you should vote for him: This is a comedic legend; that could be worth something. Why you should not vote for him: It is a prison rodeo; not exactly the Super Bowl.

We can’t remember anything he said in this movie, nor do we think that the actor who played him did anything else, but we do remember this…..Sonny Pintubi won the Marathon in the Olympics. If this movie gets an induction, how can it not be for this Aboriginal superstar? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Games (1970) Actor: Athol Compton Ran for: Australia Why you should vote for him: He won the race. Enough said. Why you should not vote for him: He won in the same way that Adrianne Barbeau won in the Cannonball Run. Sure they won, but…

Easily the most racially insensitive name on the ballot, “Spearchucker” Jones (allegedly named due to his prowess with a javelin) was an army doctor in the Korean War who was also a professional Football player. We will ignore the fact that there were no known African American doctors serving in Korean M*A*S*H units and also ignore the television version, who lasted only a few episodes. Here, we are going to look at the cinematic version played by one of our favorite athlete turn actors, Fred “The Hammer” Williamson; who the 4077th held out of the first half of the climactic…

Football player turned financial advisor actually isn’t that hard to believe, but it doesn’t make good copy to talk about the outside success of players (outside of broadcasting or coaching) aren’t talked about much.  So can we believe that Spencer Strasmore did that career change from the NFL

The first opponent we ever see of our first Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame inductee, Rocky Balboa, is the Puerto Rican pugilist, Spider Rico, a Philadelphia based club fighter who lost a rough encounter with the Italian Stallion in the film’s opening minutes. By the looks of Rico, he was in the twilight of his career and was a “bum” according to Mickey Goldmill. We however loved his brief cameo in Rocky Balboa eating at Adrain’s Restaurant.              The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rocky (1976) Rocky Balboa (2006) Actor: Pedro Lovell Why You Should Vote For Him: He is…

Although in our opinion the movie was preposterous, we will say that “Eddie” was littered with NBA stars and cameos. As such, at least it looked good, and if you are going to have a bunch of NBA players act, all you can ask for is that they don’t embarrass themselves. Now, if you get one that shows a bit of flair, like Malik Sealy did as Stacy Patton, it is an added bonus. Sure it was the same story of “me first” basketball player learning the value of playing as a team, but considering we had to endure Whoopi…

We never did see Stan Gable throw a ball, but the Adams College Quarterback was the man who made life miserable for the poor Tri-Lambs for his hatred of the nerds. Ted McGinley (Gable) was dubbed by the former great site “Jump the Shark” as the one whose presence signaled the end of greatness for television shows, but we can say that he was a far better antagonist than Roger Lattimer (Bradley Whitford) who would go on to play even slimier assholes in future films. Still, how could he lose Betty Childs to Lewis Skolnick? That was his “pie”! The…

Basically this is your standard movie about a selfish athlete who learns to play as part of a team. The difference here is that the main character learns this in the midst of a very selfish comeback, and we are treated to a few jokes by Bernie Mac.

How could you not love “Steamin” Willie Beamen? From the moment he took the field in place of second string option, Tyler Cheribini, his athleticism and swagger made him the instant star of the film and like those who he emulated in the NFL, the star of the fictitious league that “Any Given Sunday” was set in. In the world of Professional Football, a flashy star Quarterback can be born overnight, so the sudden rise to stardom of Beamen was not unrealistic. His swagger, candor and fearlessness made him almost iconic. Still, he grew through the picture, and his final…

It is not that Tom Cruise as a Football player is unbelievable. He is certainly athletic enough, but could they not have given a role as a receiver or in the secondary instead of Defensive Back? Really, the story is not what he did on the field (as his signature play is a pass interference penalty) but the relationship he had with his coach, his girlfriend and his desire to leave his small Pennsylvania town. Actually, when this came out, we were expecting a high school party movie (come on doesn’t the movie title sound like 80’s hilarity?), but overall…