This is another tough one for us. The critics may have disagreed, but we enjoyed the Football film, Wildcats. The gimmick behind it was that the head coach was a woman, but not a tough as nails one; no the diminutive, cute and perky Goldie Hawn. For the younger generation, try and picture her daughter, Kate Hudson, as a Football Coach in a film. What’s that? Can’t picture it?   Same rule here, for as much as they tried to make it believable, even a shred of rational thought would tell you that an 80’s ghetto school would not have a female coach of any kind. Still, let’s put on suspension of disbelief, and then we still have another problem with Hawn in the movie. Our favorite (and we bet yours too) scene from her was her meekly singing “Football” in the end credits. If that is the signature moment, than we think we can do better for the Hall.



The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Wildcats (1986)

Actor:
Goldie Hawn

Role Portrayed:
Head Coach of Central H.S.

Why you should vote for her:
She did win the championship game.

Why you should not vote for her:
We just didn’t buy her in the role.

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We think we can up with three reasons to vote for Mike Leak, the father of the Bears best player, Kelly Leak, and the “interim” manager of the California Bears.

1. Somehow, he set up a batting order which allowed his best player (Kelly) to be in the batting order multiple times.

2. He taught Chachi’s useless brother how to pitch.

3. He orchestrated “Let Them Play”

We’re done.



The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training (1977)

Actor:
William Devane

Role Portrayed:
Manager of the Bad News Bears

Why you should vote for him:
Like we said, this could be the best piece of doctoring a batting order in Baseball history.

Why you should not vote for him:
Wasn’t he a deadbeat dad?

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After Mr. Saturday Night and City Slickers II, Billy Crystal continued the trifecta of misses with “Forget Paris”, a romantic comedy where he played an NBA Referee. As much as we did like the cameos with NBA players and subconsciously wish we could have thrown out Kareem in a game, this was a movie where sports fans would fast forward to the few good parts; ie: on the court. Since there were not that many of those, it was actually pretty quick to get through. We know we aren’t the only ones who did that with this movie.



The Bullet Points:
Movie Appeared:
Forget Paris (1995)

Actor:
Billy Crystal

Role Portrayed:
NBA Referee

Why you should vote for him:
He had decent interaction with legitimate NBA players.

Why you should not vote for him:
Basketball was a backdrop for what was really a chick flick.

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According to the bio of Mickey Goldmill, he had a spectacular record of 72 and 1, with 70 by way of Knockout; which incidentally was a much better record than his famed protégé, Rocky Balboa, who had a myriad of losses prior to facing Apollo Creed in Philadelphia. The Jewish pugilist claimed that he knocked a guy out of the ring on the same night that Luis Firpo did the same to Jack Dempsey, and stated that since he had no manager, he never got noticed, nor did he get a chance. 

Mickey considered Rocky to be a good fighter, which threw away his talent and thus often berated the “Italian Stallion” calling him a “bum” in front of everyone. Mickey would eventually come to manage and train Balboa, when he was pegged to receive the bi-centennial promotional match against the Heavyweight Champion, Creed, and though Rocky did not win, he went the distance with the champ, becoming the first ever to do so, and was living up to the potential that Mickey knew he had all along.

We will say this though. We hated the way Mickey was displayed in Rocky III, having the champ duck quality opponents and dying unceremoniously after the Balboa/Lang fight. It made you wonder, did Mickey not know the secret of the “Eye of the Tiger”?

The Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame is pleased to welcome Mickey Goldmill into the Class of 2017.


The Bullet Points:
Movies Appeared:
Rocky (1976)
Rocky II (1979)
Rocky III (1982)

Actor:
Burgess Meredith

Role Portrayed:
Trainer of Rocky Balboa

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