How could you not love “Steamin” Willie Beamen? From the moment he took the field in place of second string option, Tyler Cheribini, his athleticism and swagger made him the instant star of the film and like those who he emulated in the NFL, the star of the fictitious league that “Any Given Sunday” was set in. In the world of Professional Football, a flashy star Quarterback can be born overnight, so the sudden rise to stardom of Beamen was not unrealistic. His swagger, candor and fearlessness made him almost iconic. Still, he grew through the picture, and his final speech with Coach D’Amato told us that Beamen would mature as a Quarterback, and damn it, didn’t you want to see what he did for the expansion New Mexico franchise? We know we did! We will say this though….how the hell did he manage a slickly produced rap song and corresponding music video two weeks into his starting career? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Any Given Sunday (1999) Actor: Jamie Foxx Position Portrayed: Quarterback Played for: Miami Sharks Why you should vote for him: If you base your vote on swagger, this IS your vote. Why you should not vote for him: We never did see Beamen win the Pantheon did we? {youtube}
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We never did see Stan Gable throw a ball, but the Adams College Quarterback was the man who made life miserable for the poor Tri-Lambs for his hatred of the nerds. Ted McGinley (Gable) was dubbed by the former great site “Jump the Shark” as the one whose presence signaled the end of greatness for television shows, but we can say that he was a far better antagonist than Roger Lattimer (Bradley Whitford) who would go on to play even slimier assholes in future films. Still, how could he lose Betty Childs to Lewis Skolnick? That was his “pie”! The Bullet Points: Movies Appeared: Revenge of the Nerds (1984) Actor: Ted McGinley Position Portrayed: Quarterback Played for: Adams College Why you should vote for him: Because the patron saint of “Jump the Shark” needs love too. Why you should not vote for him: He lost his girl to a nerd. {youtube}
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Although in our opinion the movie was preposterous, we will say that “Eddie” was littered with NBA stars and cameos. As such, at least it looked good, and if you are going to have a bunch of NBA players act, all you can ask for is that they don’t embarrass themselves. Now, if you get one that shows a bit of flair, like Malik Sealy did as Stacy Patton, it is an added bonus. Sure it was the same story of “me first” basketball player learning the value of playing as a team, but considering we had to endure Whoopi Goldberg as an NBA coach, that sports cliché was the least of our worries. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Eddie (1996) Actor: Malik Sealy Position Portrayed: Shooting Guard Played for: New York Knicks Why you should vote for him: We thought that some of the top lines of this film came from Patton. Why you should not vote for him: This movie stunk. {youtube}
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Easily the most racially insensitive name on the ballot, “Spearchucker” Jones (allegedly named due to his prowess with a javelin) was an army doctor in the Korean War who was also a professional Football player. We will ignore the fact that there were no known African American doctors serving in Korean M*A*S*H units and also ignore the television version, who lasted only a few episodes. Here, we are going to look at the cinematic version played by one of our favorite athlete turn actors, Fred “The Hammer” Williamson; who the 4077th held out of the first half of the climactic football game, so that the surgeons could up the bet, and then input their ringer. We will grant that M*A*S*H easily could have been made without “Spearchucker” Jones, but the 4077th could not have won the game without him. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: M*A*S*H (1970) Actor: Fred Williamson Position Portrayed: Running Back Played for: The M*A*S*H 4077th/San Francisco 49ers Why you should vote for him: The army doctors don’t win that football game without Jones. Why you should not vote for him: His character was not relevant enough to get past for the first season of the T.V. version. {youtube}
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