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The Athletes

Steve Lattimer

You may not be aware of this but Andrew Byrniarski was in a few Football films, usually playing the role of a defensive lunkhead. He did that in Necessary Roughness and Any Given Sunday, though his highest profile job came years after when he was cast as “Leatherface” in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot. For us, Byrniarski will always be “Steve Lattimer” the ESU Linebacker who discovered the benefits of steroids in the off season and showed us the joys of painting his face and how many Olympians beat a piss test. His role may be the most remembered of…
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Steve Nebraska

There is a lot about “The Scout” that can bother fans. One of those however, is not the performance of Brendan Fraser whose large frame made him look like a certifiable athlete. However, as Steve Nebraska, the pitching prospect with seemingly unlimited potential, he was given the role of also playing a head case, which basically made him a freak of nature with his arm, and also a freak with his brain. Incidentally, the ending act of the movie (we don’t think we are really upsetting anyone with this spoiler alert) that Nebraska struck out all 27 batters in a…
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Steve Parker

Sure the movie was in a bit (ok, a lot) of bad taste, and Steve Parker did not actually win as “The Ringer” in the Special Olympics, but he was with a pre-obnoxious Katherine Heigl in the film so maybe we will cut him a break. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2005) Actor: Johnny Knoxville Why you should vote for him: Other than Jackass related reasons, we don’t really have one. Why you should not vote for him: Again, he lost.
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Steve Tevere

In 1984, the United States dominated the Olympic Summer Games in a way that had never done before; though the boycott of the Soviet Bloc certainly helped. This made temporary stars of the American male gymnasts, one of which, Mitch Gaylord, gave us the horrific American Anthem, where he played…wait for it…a gymnast. The film tanked and once again Hollywood remembered that the U.S. only cares about male gymnastics for two weeks every four years. So much for the film career of Mitch Gaylord, but at least it wasn’t Kurt Thomas’ Gymkata.              The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: American…
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Steve the Pirate

Although we know that Steve the Pirate stunk at Dodgeball and no-showed the Championship Game, we just wanted to nominate a pirate. Seriously….we wanted to nominate a pirate. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) Actor: Alan Tudyk Played for: The Average Joes Why you should vote for him: You probably shouldn’t actually. Why you should not vote for him: He was zero help to the team.
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Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg

Arguably the most evil brother/sister duo in sports films, Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg (Will Arnett and Amy Poehler) took despicable to a new low. They tricked their sister into believing that she was responsible for her parent’s death, kidnapped their competition, and had an incestuous relationship. They may have been too old to play these roles, but it would have been hard to find people who could have played it funnier. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Blades of Glory (2007) Actor: Will Arnett & Amy Poehler Played for: U.S.A. Why you should vote for them: They made despicable a…
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Stroker Ace

Look, we know that “Stroker Ace” is not exactly a cinematic masterpiece. In fact, it is the winner of the 1983 Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Picture of the Year. We are also embarrassed to say that it is a guilty pleasure of ours. Burt Reynolds is an icon in the world of fictitious athletes, and coming off the Cannonball Run, a role as a NASCAR driver wasn’t a stretch for the toupeed one. Yet, the plot of the movie involved Reynolds as the titular character, trying to get out of a contract with Ned Beatty (who did not squeal…
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Tanner Boyle

It wasn’t that Tanner Boyle was a great player for the Bad News Bears (as he wasn’t), or that he was the star of the films (he wasn’t even in the third); however he was the favorite of many Bears fans for his foul mouth and feisty attitude. Boyle would not necessarily be the one given the best lines in the movies, but he was given the crudest; all of which was funnier with his short stature and floppy blonde hair. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Bad News Bears (1976) The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training (1977) Actor:…
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Teddy KGB

In the 80’s, the signature Russian sports villain was Ivan Drago, the jacked up monosyllabic freak who dominated with his brawn. The decade after it was, Teddy KGB, who dominated his sport (if you consider poker a sport) with his cunning. And this ladies and gentleman is the byproduct of the fall of communism; that and Yakov Smirnoff working a theatre in Branson. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rounders (1998) Actor: John Malkovich Why you should vote for him: It was one of our favorite sports villains, with an accent. Why you should not vote for him: Is poker a…
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Terrence "T.K." King

Although he technically wasn’t the star of Necessary Roughness, Wide Receiver, Terrence “T.K.” King was the catalyst that necessitated bringing in a sports therapist in the first place. Part OchoCinco, part Moss and part T.O., King was the flashy head case that was why you stayed tuned to the show.                The Bullet Points: T.V. Show Appeared: Necessary Roughness (2011-13) Actor: Mechad Brooks Position Played: Wide Receiver Played for: New York Hawks & New Jersey Bobcats Why You Should Vote For Him: You have to appreciate stars. Why You Should Not Vote For Him: The show did not…
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Terry Brogan

Hmmmmm. We have a well-acted remake of a 1940’s Film Noir, with a Football related backstory that despite better than average reviews but is best known for the titular song that Phil Collins did. It doesn’t exactly seem like a winning formula for our Hall does it? Still, Jeff Bridges was great as Terry Brogan, the aging and released Football player of the Los Angeles Outlaws who was hired by the always entertaining James Woods to track down the Outlaws owner’s daughter. We didn’t get a lot of gridiron action, but we did get a lot of steamy sex scenes…
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Terry Conklin

This might not make sense now, but in the 1990’s, a white man was NOT becoming the Heavyweight Champion of the World in the sport of Boxing; but it would draw a lot of money if people thought it could happen. Damn, did this movie become irrelevant fast. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Great White Hype (1996) Actor: Peter Berg Why you should vote for him: He did beat the champ…..when he was an amateur. Why you should not vote for him: The theme outshone the match…which wasn’t very good.
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Terry Tate

We guess this qualifies. As Terry Tate: Office Linebacker, we got to see him destroy many suited white men destroyed with punishing hits (that would probably be banned in the NFL). The commercials were wildly popular, and allowed for its portrayer, Lester Speight to have his biggest success after unsuccessful careers in Football and Professional Wrestling, but we have to ask if a series of commercials qualify for our Hall of Fame? We aren’t sure either. The Bullet Points: Commercial Appeared: Reebok (2002-05) Actor: Lester Speight Position Portrayed: Office Linebacker Worked for: Various Offices across the United States Why you…
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Thornton Melon

This may not be a sports movie, but in what we consider to be one of Rodney Dangerfield’s funniest performances, his character did the “Triple Lindy” to win the diving meet for Grand Lakes University. Okay, so the dive obviously wasn’t done by Dangerfield, but who cares? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Back to School (1986) Actor: Rodney Dangerfield Played for: Grand Lakes Diving Team Why you should vote for him: This could be Dangerfield’s finest work. Why you should not vote for him: This is not really a sports movie.
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Thunderlips

Hulk Hogan has performed in many movies, but it was his first cinematic role as “Thunderlips” that he didn’t….well he didn’t suck. Nobody will ever confuse Hogan with Pacino (or even Pauly Shore), but the Hulkster showed more acting skill and range in those five minutes in Rocky III than he did in all his other roles combined. It made Hulk Hogan a star, and inadvertently launched the wrestling boom in the 1980’s. Looking back, this could be a legitimate dark horse candidate to make our Hall of Fame. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Rocky III (1982) Actor: Hulk Hogan…
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Tim Riggins

He was not the star on the field, but Tim Riggins was the star with the women, and for many, the character that had the most intrigue. That in itself says something as the heartthrob of the show, was granted a series of plot lines that allowed the actor (Taylor Kitsch) to show a bit of his acting chops. Still, is this enough for a serious run at our Hall of Fame? With the cult status of this show, it just might be. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Friday Night Lights (2006-11) Actor: Taylor Kitsch Position Portrayed: Running Back/Fullback…
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Tommy "The Machine" Gunn

It is universally agreed that Rocky V was the worst of the series. It may have been so bad that the final film could have been titled: “Rocky VI, The Apology”. Nothing really worked in this film, especially Tommy Gunn, whose story arc resembled (and was acted almost as well) as Hayden Christensen’s transition from Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader. Basically, Morrison did not have the acting skills, nor was the story good enough that we cared about Tommy Gunn’s betrayal of the “Italian Stallion”. It didn’t help that it was the most anti-climactic ending fight scene in the Rocky…
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Tommy Lee

So how many of you clicked here expecting to see a well-endowed Heavy Metal drummer? Here is guessing that the producers of “Best of the Best” were Motley Crue fans, but we also wager that they watched a lot of early Chinese Kung Fu films where the hero avenges the death of his father/teacher/brother or whoever. This is what we have here, where Tommy (again not the drummer) avenges his brother who died in a Tae Kwon Do match against a Korean opponent, and oh who cares? It is a shallow role, (which gets shallower with each sequel) and it…
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Tommy Riley

The acting wasn’t great, and the plot was paper thin, but guilty pleasures abound in watching Tommy Riley (James Marshall). “Gladiator” (and we are not talking about the Russell Crowe Oscar winning film).   Although the acting wasn’t great, the fights were entertaining, and the corn-fed looking Marshall was the lead in the flick. That is enough for us to put him on the ballot. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Gladiator (1992) Actor: James Marshall Why you should vote for him: We have always had a soft spot for Brian Dennehy, and James Marshall took him out in the end. Why…
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Tommy Riordan

If you are going to have a Mixed Martial Arts film, the first thing you want is someone who looks the part. If they can act, it’s just a bonus. Tom Hardy delivered both as Tommy Riordan in the respected MMA film. In the film, Riordan is a former marine who is a natural at MMA and had a fight that went viral on the internet when he destroyed a man who was a pro fighter in less than 30 seconds. Riordan would enter a tournament where he would he be opposed by his brother, and though he did not…
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Tony Banta

At no point do we remember when we were watching Taxi, did we think that Tony Danza would have a long career in acting, but the former boxer started off playing a role he understood; a former boxer. As the dim-witted Tony Banta, Danza had the kind heart, tough fists and the New York attitude that helped make the ensemble comedy work. The show also paid a lot of attention to Banta’s boxing career, and made a point of incorporating it in minor plotlines. Incidentally Danza’s boxing record was considerably better than Banta’s; who was often knocked out. The Bullet…
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Tony Micelli

“Ay oh. Oh Ay.” This one perplexes us a bit. We admit to watching Who’s the Boss, though in our defence this was an era where nothing much else was on, and we were developing our crush on Alyssa Milano; which we still have to this day. The show may have been based on the sexual tension between Tony Danza (Tony Miceli) and Judith Light (Angela Bower), but in our sports related world, Micelli was a former Baseball player who had a cup of coffee with the St. Louis Cardinals. Danza could play the role of a former athlete, as…
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Torrance Shipman

So just what does being the lead cheerleader in a (and as far as we know only) successful cheerleading movie get you in regards to our Hall of Fame? Well Torrance Shipman (Kirsten Dunst) was the lead in every way in “Bring it on” and it led to a series of direct to video sequels. It was a money maker, a surprise hit, and became iconic in the world of cheerleading. Basically it comes down to this: if you think cheerleading is a sport, this is a solid contender for out Hall, and if you don’t it won’t be.  …
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Turbo

Sometimes we are convinced that Dreamworks can do no wrong. In the cute animated film, Turbo, we meet an ordinary garden snail that has a need for speed, and through a freak accident is able to achieve just that and gets to compete at the Indianapolis 500. Seriously, did you ever think when you were young that animation would come this far and would suck you in this much? Honestly, we think we have a sleeper candidate here.              The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Turbo (2013) Actor: Ryan Reynolds Why You Should Vote For Him: Well, he does win…
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Ty Webb

Although he never kept score, we knew that Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) was an exceptional golfer. The goofy prodigy would sometimes golf blindfolded, and though he was a little on the clumsy side, he was the ladies’ man of the film. If for no ever reason, Ty Webb is on this ballot because we guarantee that everyone reading this that has ever been on a golf course has gone “nananananana”. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Caddyshack (1980) Caddyshack II (1988) Actor: Chevy Chase Why you should vote for him: Webb was an icon of cool in Caddyshack. Why you should…
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