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The Contributors

Luther Van Dam

At what point can a man as stupid as Luther Van Dam become the Defensive Coordinator of a Division I College Football Program? Jerry Van Dyke’s portrayal of Van Dam shows us a man with the intelligence of a coffee table who can somehow manages to understand the complexity of a 4-3 Defence. Actually, at no point do we recall a scene that shows what has to be the skills of a football savant, or even someone who could figure out a remote control. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Coach (1989-97) Actor: Jerry Van Dyke Role Portrayed: Defensive Coordinator…
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Lynn Wells

As we have stated, we are not always the biggest fans of “girlfriends” in sports movies, but we will say that we did enjoy Rene Russo, as Lynn Wells, a past girlfriend of Jake Taylor (Tom Bereneger) who at least has to be wooed back. We will also say that this was Rene Russo at the apex of her hotness. The Bullet Points: Movies Appeared: Major League (1989) Major League 2 (1994) Actor: Rene Russo Role Portrayed: Former Girlfriend of Indians Catcher, Jake Taylor Why You Should Vote For Her: She was very hot in this role at this time.…
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M. Harry Smilac

Dirk Benedict has been a guilty pleasure of ours no matter what he did. We loved him as Starbuck in the original Battlestar Galactica, as “Face” in the A-Team and yes as….the slimy M. Harry Smilac in the Wrestling film, Body Slam. It may not be a great film, but it was fun and we have no problem nominating someone who has no real shot for our Fictitious Hall…just to placate our 80’s cult hero. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Body Slam (1986) Actor: Dirk Benedict Role Portrayed: Professional Wrestling Manager Why you should vote for him: We will play…
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Madison Bell

Ah, the stalker. Not exactly the best “contributor” per say, but one that is a common in modern sports and will probably fuel future sports, we have the “obsessed fan”. At least here in the 2002 attempted horror film, “Swimfan”, we have a nominee that is borderline hot. Seriously, that is all we got!          The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Swimfan (2002) Actor: Erika Christensen Role Portrayed: Obsessed Swim fan Why You Should Vote For Her: Not really sure. Well, she was cute. Why You Should Not Vote For Her: If Robert DeNiro is struggling to get inducted as an…
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Marvin Lazar

As much as Tony Curtis had a career that may have rivaled Walter Matheau, the drop off from Morris Buttermaker to Marvin Lazar was like the drop off in talent from Kelly Leak to one of those short Mexican kids. As a slimy opportunistic agent, Curtis used the Bad News Bears for his own gain, and other than a scene against Japanese wrestling legend Antonio Inoki, it was not exactly a role worth remembering, The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Bad News Bears go to Japan (1978) Actor: Tony Curtis Role Portrayed: Manager/Agent of the Bad News Bears Why you…
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Max Corkle

Although it was a little difficult to believe that the closest friend of the backup Quarterback was the Head Trainer of the team, we did enjoy the sweet role of Max Corkle (Jack Warden) as the only mortal aware of the true identity of Warren Beatty’s character. Jack Warden was at his nicest and was perfect as the everyman who helped out the new maverick owner of the Los Angeles Rams become its starting Quarterback. Sure, the believability scale has to be morphed, but someone had to be that liaison between the afterlife and present, and why not Jack Warden?…
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Mickey Gordon

After Mr. Saturday Night and City Slickers II, Billy Crystal continued the trifecta of misses with “Forget Paris”, a romantic comedy where he played an NBA Referee. As much as we did like the cameos with NBA players and subconsciously wish we could have thrown out Kareem in a game, this was a movie where sports fans would fast forward to the few good parts; ie: on the court. Since there were not that many of those, it was actually pretty quick to get through. We know we aren’t the only ones who did that with this movie. The Bullet…
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Mike Leak

We think we can up with three reasons to vote for Mike Leak, the father of the Bears best player, Kelly Leak, and the “interim” manager of the California Bears. 1. Somehow, he set up a batting order which allowed his best player (Kelly) to be in the batting order multiple times. 2. He taught Chachi’s useless brother how to pitch. 3. He orchestrated “Let Them Play” We’re done. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training (1977) Actor: William Devane Role Portrayed: Manager of the Bad News Bears Why you should vote for him: Like…
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Molly McGrath

This is another tough one for us. The critics may have disagreed, but we enjoyed the Football film, Wildcats. The gimmick behind it was that the head coach was a woman, but not a tough as nails one; no the diminutive, cute and perky Goldie Hawn. For the younger generation, try and picture her daughter, Kate Hudson, as a Football Coach in a film. What’s that? Can’t picture it?   Same rule here, for as much as they tried to make it believable, even a shred of rational thought would tell you that an 80’s ghetto school would not have a…
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Mr. Larson

Mr. Larson is only on this ballot because we got a kick out of seeing Jaws with a giant nail in his head. Actually, we found it fascinating how even how in his weakened state (he noticeably used a cane) he was a terrifying presence. There are only a handful of men who can do that. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Happy Gilmore (1996) Actor: Richard Kiel Role Portrayed: Former Employer Why you should vote for him: Some would say that he is known more for this than his iconic James Bond role. Why you should not vote for him:…
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Nate Scarborough

Like every Longest Yard character which was duplicated, it is impossible to avoid looking at both versions. In this case we like both Nate Scarboroughs, though there is something colossally cool about Michael Conrad and old school toughness he brought to the role. However, in his case, Conrad had the misfortune of having his character covered by one of the film originals (Burt Reynolds who played the QB in the original) take on the Scarborough role and perhaps stealing both films. This is why we have a ballot, as we are very curious to see which Nate Scarborough gets better…
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Nate Scarborough

A lot of people did not want to see the Longest Yard remade as many (and count us in that) thought that this was a Mount Rushmore character (The others being Jack Horner, the Bandit and Gator McKlusky) for cinematic superstar, Burt Reynolds. However, with a shift in tone, and Reynolds recast as Nate Scarborough, Reynolds again hit it out of the park as the former Heisman Trophy winner facing life in jail. Some would say that he eclipsed the original Scarborough, and by the end of the movie, many forgot that he was Paul Crewe in the original.  …
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Niko

Although Bas Rutten had limited acting experience, we enjoyed him as the Niko, the Mixed Martial Arts instructor for Scott Voss (Kevin James) in “Here Comes the Boom”. It felt natural, had good comedic moments and was better than most supporting roles in Hollywood. We can’t see him doing much else, but he did a great job in what will probably be his biggest role ever. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Here Comes the Boom (2012) Actor: Bas Rutten Role Portrayed: Scott Voss’ MMA Instructor Why you should vote for him: It was one of the most natural performances we…
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Oscar Arguella

Oscar Arguella was not much of a baseball player, and the talent he did have was wasted.  He was given another chance by his then Manager, Al Luongo, to become a Scout and through hard work and introspection he worked his way up to General Managers position of the San Diego Padres, a team in which Luongo still Manages.  (How long has he Luongo been with San Diego?)
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Patches O'Houlihan

As far as we can tell this is the lone entry on the ballot where we have two actors portraying the same role, where we have a young Patches O’Houlihan (Hank Azaria) and a much older one played by Rip Torn. O’Houlihan was a seven time ADAA All-Star, who taught potential Dodgeball participants the five rules of Dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge (again). O’Houlihan’s teaching (including throwing wrenches at his protégés) helped the Average Joe’s win the Las Vegas ending, though not before he met his end in what had to the most ironic film death of all-time.…
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Paul Ashworth

In the original British (and superior) film, Fever Pitch, we are introduced to Paul Ashworth, a diehard Arsenal fan who is forced to modify his love of his beloved Premiership team with that of his new girlfriend. We are fans of the “Gunners” here, so we had to make sure this made the ballot. Seriously, anyone but Liverpool! The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Fever Pitch (1997) Actor: Colin Firth Role Portrayed: Arsenal superfan Why You Should Vote For Him: Only if you can identify with superfandom. Why You Should Not Vote For Him: Whether you saw this or not, does…
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Paul Aufiero

We all know fans like this. Often, we hope we don’t become one. The story of Paul Aufiero is one that is scary, has no happy ending and puts sports in a perspective that we should all remember. Played by Patton Oswalt, Aufiero is a near middle aged parking lot attendant who still lives with his mom whose love of the New York Giants reaches levels of pitifulness; especially after he is assaulted by his favorite player. This is one of those roles where after watching you evaluate your own fandom of your favorite team. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared:…
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Pepper Brooks

Far too often when we watch sports, we bemoan the countless cliché’s that commentators (regardless of the sport, and usually the color commentating ex-player) dispense on a nightly basis. We can’t say that for Pepper Brooks in Dodgeball (shown on ESPN 8: The Ocho), as he certainly never visited the cliché factory. Actually, we have no clue what broadcasting school he went to as he was equally candid as he was clueless; however he was always hysterical; which is exactly what you wanted in this role. Who knew Jason Bateman had it in him after being the comedic straight man…
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Pete Bell

Pete Bell seemed to be a knock off of famed Indiana Hoosiers Basketball Coach, Bobby Knight, which always seemed a little off especially considering Knight actually, appeared in the film. Though the movie was known (or responsible) for launching the “acting career” of Shaquille O’Neal, Nolte was the film’s primary focus, as we watched him struggle with the changing game of College Basketball and the pressures of recruitment without violating the rules.   The film probably did not go far enough, but that was not Nolte’s fault, which was really given a thin character to work with. Pete Bell may not…
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Pete Eckhart

We will say (though we are not completely sure) that Pete Eckhart is the de facto centerpiece of “The League”. As the three time League Champion, we get to witness much of his trials and tribulations, though we can’t say we are always as amused as we are with the antics of Taco MacArthur. So, if we reward this program, should we not recognize the three time champ first? We will let you decide that one. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: The League (2009-) Actor: Jon Lajoie Role Portrayed: Fantasy Football Team Owner Why you should vote for him:…
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Phil Weston

Will Farrell is a favorite for many, but he did have a few misses over the years. In a formulaic comedy where he is not allowed to showcase his talent, Kicking and Screaming could only be average at best, where as his son’s soccer coach, he fell into predictability; which for Farrell was not a recipe for success.   The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Kicking and Screaming (2005) Actor: Will Farrell Role Portrayed: Coach of the Tigers Why you should vote for him: It was not Farrell’s fault that the movie was average. Why you should not vote for him:…
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Pop Fisher

Is it just us, or does Wilfred Brimley look exactly like what we would expect an old time Baseball Manager to look like, thus making him seem perfect for the role of Pop Fisher, the Manager of the New York Knights? Of course, Brimley looks exactly like an oatmeal spokesmen, so again we state, what do we know? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Natural (1985) Actor: Wilfred Brimley Role Portrayed: Manager of the New York Knights Why you should vote for him: Because it’s the right thing to do. (Quaker Oats Joke) Why you should not vote for him:…
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Ray Boyd

For a brief period of time, Jonathan Lipnicki (the cute kid in Jerry Maguire) was the cute kid du jour, and the bespectacled little towhead had women of all ages gushing at his cuteness. Of course, we know what happens to most cute little child actors as they generally grow up to be of less than average looks. Just ask Brian Bonsall, Robbie Rist…and Jonathan Lipnicki. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Jerry Maguire (1996) Actor: Jonathan Lipnicki Role Portrayed: Little Kid Why you should vote for him: He might have been the cutest kid in a film. Why you should…
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Ray Kinsella

Somehow, with the strike of 1994, and the constant PED issues that plagued the game of Baseball, Field of Dreams just doesn’t have the same impact anymore. Our heroes of the diamond have taken a pounding, and you have to wonder if our cynical nature could take a film like this anymore. Perhaps that doesn’t matter, as in 1989 you could make this film and there are many who consider this one of the greatest baseball films ever made. Kevin Costner’s earnest portrayal of Iowa farmer Roy Kinsella touched hearts and Americans everywhere looked at their fathers and sons and…
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